Pathum POV (June 2021)

  No I cannot do that to her.

  Just freaking die! Nobody cares!

  I took the blade and pressed it on my hands, it started to hurt but I didn’t mind the physical pain neither do I minded that tears were cascading like a waterfall.

  She would never come back so why even live?

  I took the sharp end of the blade and stared at my hand, there was a nerve and all I have to cut it in an instant and my blood would drain out of my body.

  But what about mom?

  Didn’t she said I am worthless last night?

  But she might still love me?

  But mom scolded me last night and clearly doesn’t want my existence right?

  She loves you, she’s your mother!

  But what about Scarlet? Why can’t she love me back?

  She needs time, she will surely come back to you. Just be patient with her and she will come back to you.

  Part of me believed that and other part of me wants to believes that because I was hanging onto the little hope of her comeback.

  I mean ofcourse she loves me, she tries to act tough but she clearly wants you. It could be very well said by the way she talks right now. Since the goodbye message she has freaked out, if she didn’t loved me she wouldn’t bother.

  Throw the blade away

  Heck! Why am I that stupid? Gosh I can’t believe myself. Throwing the blade, not throwing I grabbed it and smashed it with a knife and the blade got crooked maing its edges crooked.

  Just cut it when it’s still sharp

  NO ! I will never leave mom jsut because one person doesn’t love me. Heck no she love me as well it’s just they need some time to love me back. I know Scarlet loves me, I do know that so well.

  Ofcourse she will come back but just do some hurt and show them you are suffering.

  Its stupid! Stupid! To harm myself. I would never do that. I shouldn’t harm my mom and lil mom just because I don’t feel loved enough for a certain time.

  Scarlet : Where are you? Pathum!!! The heck is wrong with you?

  Pathum : Why do you care now? Just pretend like you didn’t cared about me, from today onwards you’ll not need to worry about my presence. Isn’t that what you ever dreamt of?

  Scarlet : I don’t have time for this, I got to attend church so just give me a break from you. I cannot baby sit you here all the time. Just don’t try anything stupid. For God sake Pathum just don’t. Don’t make me repeat myself.

  Pathum : I really want to die, why can’t you comeback? If you would come I wouldn’t hurt myself.

  Scarlet : I am not falling for the bait. Just understand there’s nothing between us anymore, this is just an extension of my kindness towards you. And I got a life I can’t be spending gosh not spending but wasting them all on you. For you. The old me would have but that’s the old me not the new me.

  Why can’t she come back? Why can’t she be my girlfriend? Why can’t she see my love towards her? Why can’t she love me back? Why can’t she forgive me? Why not?

  Pathum : I cannot live without you Scarlet. Why can’t you understand that?

  Scarlet ; Why can’t you understand that you hurt me enough, I am not gonna take it anymore. Not any longer.

  Pathum : So you will never be my girlfriend again ?

  Scarlet : No.

  Pathum : We dreamt of being together what happened?

  Scarlet : you ruined it. You . Now don’t expect me to love you.

  Pathum : But why?

  Scarlet : Have ever looked yourself in the mirror whenever you get mad? You surely have not it seems. You are a filthy monster when you get mad. You disrepcted me, my God and my family and you did it over and over again whenever you get mad and then you come saying sorry and hoping all those nervous breakdowns and hearrtbreaks would disappear in an instant. But they never did. You called me a bitch and never hugged or kissed me afterwards just apologising, just words everytime it was just words. Never affection. Never .

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  Darling I wish I be there, if it so then you’ll never feel insecure or unloved. I promise I will be there soon.

  Pathum : I understand ..

  Scarlet : Good.

  Pathum : I am sorry scarlet. ??

  I really am so sorry scarlet!

  Scarlet : You always are, aren’t you?

  I miss you darling

  Pathum : I miss you!

  Scarlet : okay.

  Pathum : I really miss you Scarlet. Don’t you believe me?

  Scarlet : Hmm.

  Pathum : Don’t you miss me?

  Scarlet : Look I ain’t got time for this, anyway don’t even think to play this stunt again.

  Pathum : What do you mean?

  Scarlet : Don’t ever stress me or threatened me with death threats again.

  I never meant to do a drama sweetie, I just really miss you. I cannot live without you please believe me darling.

  Pathum : I can’t believe you said that, I mean I can believe it but still it really hurts to see you say that to me.

  Scarlet : You think I love doing this to you? Good luck if you think so.

  Pathum : Why can’t you forgive me and let us be happy again?

  Scarlet : Forgive you? How many times have I done that? For what ? just to get beat down once again like bitch. Don’t play the victim here you know you are a monster when you get out of control.

  I love you sweetie, I truly love you so much. If you could just see my heart you’ll definitely understand me.

  Pathum : Scarlet I cannot focus on my studies without you please just come back to me, I promise I wouldn’t say another curse word my entire life. I promise I would not hurt you ever again. Please trust me.

  Scarlet : I have to go. Please stop texting me and most importantly stop calling me, I- I don’t want to be bothered when I praying.

  Pathum : Aww okay sweetie, I know you’ll pray for me. ??

  Scarlet : WHatever! Bye.

  Pathum : Bye sweetie. I love you!

  Scarlet : Ok.

  Pathum : LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH. I PROMISE I WILL STUDY AS BEST AS I CAN WHILE YOU ARE GONE, I MEAN WHILE MY SWEETIE IS PRAYING FOR US.

  Scarlet : Good.

  I texted her many lovely messages but she didn’t responded to them mostly becuase she was busy with people in church. I know whatever she do she will pray for us and for our future. I know she said that she got nothing to do with me or that we are done but I don’t believe that. I know for God sake that she will come back to me. I know she will come back and that we would be happy again.

  I don’t understand, but yet I do as well. I just want her to comeback to me, I may need not to rush likewise. But I think I need to talk to Annabelle about this at least or maybe she could help me with it. I believe she has the power , I mean at least I hope she can help me with this, I will forever be in debt for her if she manages to help me.

  Annabelle ; I think you should respect her decision.

  Pathum ; I don’t know what I should do. I texted her many times and she doesnt want to do anything about it, she just talk less and behave odd.

  Annabelle ; in that case I have to admit she don’t text me too, not often like she used to , so I understood it and gave her space , I don’t want to loose her like you did, anything wrong could cause everything a failure.

  Pathum ; I just want her back

  Annabelle ; she just need some space give her that, and she will comeback when she need to.

  Pathum ; but its been almost a week, she hasn’t decided to comeback .

  Annabelle ; she just need time , give her that and she will be pleased, you need to respect her

  Pathum ; I miss her.

  Annabelle ; I know

  Pathum ; what can I do to bring her back to me?

  Annabelle ; just nothing. Leave her alone

  Pathum ; what? I cant do that. I miss her, I want her back and I will do anything to bring her back

  Annabelle ; she don’t want you as her boyfriend anymore, but you can still remain as friends .

  Pathum ; I cant do that annabelle I miss her so much and I want her back.

  Annabelle ; I am sorry I cant help .

  Pathum ; cant you atleast tell her , to comeback ?

  Annabelle ; I am not going to tell her that, it is her decision and I respect it

  Pathum ; please help me don’t talk like that. I miss her I need her.

  Annabelle ; its her decision and I think she is quite right.

  Pathum ; I wont give up , I love her and I will bring her back, I will do anything to bring her back to me.

  Annabelle ; okay!

  Okay? Is that it Annabelle ? that was it from her , I gotta do something and I have no idea what I need to do to bring her back. Annabelle seems like she would never help me but can’t blame her. She is doing what’s best for her bestie and her sister.

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