Scarlet POV (June 2021)

  How did he had the nerve to complain Annabelle about this, he better know his limit , I am trying to teach him a lesson for God sake , and what he does makes me sweetly disagree.

  He’s just trying bring you back into his life.

  I know that. But why can’t he understand that I got nothing to do with him anymore?

  He just love you

  No he don’t. He doesn’t love me. He used me and he always do that, just uses me for his problems and dump me when he gets emotional loss of control.

  He Never loved me, he only used me for his purposes.

  No he loves me, he loves me.

  But he abused me in oneway or the other. How could someone call that love? He never loved me he just loved my affection that’s all. He only needs to control me and that’s all about him.

  But the way he begs me and the way he pleads doesn’t necessarily resonates to imply that he is anything bad. But good.

  He is not good. Don’t ever fall for his traps again. He is just a abusive person and that’s all. Just stop trying to make me feel bad about my decision.

  I am just mad that he complained about my decision to Annabelle. I mean why can’t he just accept it’s over and done? Why can’t he ever grow up and learn from it? I don’t understand.

  Maybe he truly loves me don’t you think? Listen to him once more. Just one more chance wouldn’t be a mistake.

  No way. He is not my boyfriend and that’s it. He will not become mine ever again. Not again. I will not let himm into my life again just so that he could abuse me again. No God no!!

  Scarlet ; he needs to understand that I broke up with her.

  Annabelle ; he is just trying to get back to you.

  Scarlet ; but I don’t want him anymore why cant he understand that?

  Annabelle ; he just loves you and I think he finds it difficult to accept that you are gone, he is desperately trying to fix everything. I tried to explain but he just don’t listen.

  He never listens! He is just that stubbornly delusional.

  Scarlet ; he never listen he needs to grow up and learn but he is giving no chance for that.

  Annabelle; true !

  Scarlet ; lets just talk something else.

  Annabelle; sure thing. So how’s church and your family in general?

  Scarlet : I have been close with my family since I broke up with him.

  Annabelle : Well that’s good.

  Scarlet : I just figured that he was the reason why I was away from my own family. I mean my family and I aren’t still so close but since broke up with him I have been close to them than ever and it taught me many lessons. Can’t believe how one person completely drifts us away from our own bonds. Can’t believe I have been fallen for his tricks ever since he came into my life.

  That’s not true at all isnt that so right Scarlet?

  I don’t care. I and him won’t be together as lovers ever again. I made this decision for my sake and my wellbeing.

  Annabelle : I see.

  Scarlet : Yes.

  Annabelle : Are you really certain that you don’t want him?

  Scarlet : I don’t want to do anything with him anymore. Please convince him that if you can or whenever you get a chance. I loved him for a long time but there’s nothing left in my heart for him because he ruined it all forever. We will remain as friends I don’t know for how long but there is nothing more than that between him and me.

  Annabelle : I understand. I will pray for you, I will have you in my prayers as always, just stop worrying about him and focus on God.

  Scarlet : I always do. It’s the only mistake I regret.

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  Annabelle : What do you mean?

  Scarlet : I regret not focusing on God but him. I shouldn’t have done that, but what is gone is gone and there’s nothing we can do about. What we can do is not to repeat those stupid mistakes again.

  Annabelle : True. So besides him how is your family treating you?

  Scarlet : I am uncertain. Sometimes I feel like they mean the world to me but sometimes they are really so rude and hurts me in every way possible.

  Annabelle: I am sorry, I wish we weren’t this far. If we were closer none of this would happen. I would hug you right away. We could pray together.

  Scarlet : I know Annabelle.

  Annabelle : OMG!

  Scarlet: What?

  Annabelle: You just called me by my name, are you seriously okay?

  Should I tell her?

  Scarlet : I am not. But you don’t have to worry about it.

  Annabelle : I WILL always worry about you, so now tell me what should I tell God today?

  Scarlet : Just tell him to give me more clarity. I need some vision a clear lucid vision about what I should do. I am stuck between two choices and I don’t know which one I should make.

  Annabelle : You can tell me if you want.

  Scarlet; Hmm…don’t worry.

  Annabelle : I understand you Scarlet. I will pray for your longer God will listen to them. Just keep praying we will figure something out soon.

  Scarlet : I hope soon.

  We didn’t talked much after that message mainly because I wasn’t feeling like talking about anything with anyone much less with him.

  Am I wrong? Lord please tell me whether am I truly wrong here? Does he love me like he means? Or is it just an illusion? I am so confused. It doesn’t necessarily make me happy to ignore him and hurt him but I got no other choice. I will not go back into his cage just to get beat down by him when he gets out of control.

  I got into my knees and closed my eyes and opened up to the lord. I prayed as long as my knees could hold me and I eventually collapsed into the floor crying, crying so loud that my Dad came into my room and asked me whether I am doing okay to which I replied that I am fine and he doesn’t need to worry but he stayed. He hugged me and told me he’s gonna be here until I speak upto him. So I told him everything from how we started as strangers and how our family got along with our relationship and how they threw stones just moments after throwing roses at our path. And how I went from his lil mom to his bitch eventhough part of me knew that he is not truly himself when he get mads I still put the blame on him and never defended him he did’nt judged me he never got mad at me for ever keeping it from him. He listened. I never saw this side of my dad, that got me wondering what really happened to that man? Why don’t dad show us that side of him? I didn’t see him as an opposing man but as a self healing human being.

  My dad is the best man in the whole planet Earth, not because he just hugged me but because he never judged me and most importantly he took my side and never put the blame on me rather put the blame on himself and act like it’s his fault not just offer sweet apologies like Pathum every time he hurt me.

  “Now tell me have you prayed for him tonight? Or did you prayed for him since the break up?” Dad asked me caressing my hair. I leaned into dad’s chest and tears cascaded the moment my thoughts were turned into words. Eventhough I choke the first few words I finally managed to say no.

  He took a deep breath.

  “That’s a lie.”

  I looked at him in disbelief. He let go of a laugh the moment our eyes met.

  “That’s not a lie dad.”

  “If you lie your butt will grow bigger,the bigger it grows the deeper would he fall in love with you and harder would it be to take him away” he said to which both of us laughed so loud.

  “He doesn’t care about my butt.”

  “Really? So what does he want now?”

  “My heart.”

  “And still you refuse someone who’s after your heart rather than your physical attractions?”

  I turned at him and he wasn’t smiling. He is dead serious.

  We spent a minute in silence and he broke the awkward silence by standing up.

  “I will leave you to that, think about what I said and decide what’s best for your future.”

  He said that left me alone in my room. I stared at my phone which rang many many notifications but I stood there without responding to them.

  What dad told resonated in my head for a longer time it was louder than the ring of my phone.

  Am I wrong? Should i forgive him and give him one more chance? Should I? Does he truly love me?

  I don’t know. Should I forgive him and trust in him?

  Will he love after what i have done to him? Please God guide me I am blind and I need your voice or else I would be so lost in the midst of this storm.

  Scarlet : Pathum.

  I texted him but there was no reply from him, he had taken fifteen missed calls and hundreds of messages just to disappear. I didn’t texted him afterwards maybe he is just acting like he is gone but he’s just there.

  Finally he replied.

  Pathum : OMG! Sweetie you have finally replied, I am sorry for being late, just OCD and pee. You know the story it’s just so difficult.

  Here he go with his sob stories..

  Pathum : Sweetie are you okay? What’s wrong? Do you wanna say something for me?

  Yes

  Scarlet : Yes.

  Pathum : OMG! Tell me.

  Pathum I am so sorry for everything I did. I love you so much just give me time I will come back to you. Just don’t let go of me I love you Pathum.

  Eventhough my thoughts were lovely and innocent the same couldn’t be said for my reply.

  Scarlet : Just stop disturbing me. It’s a headache for me. Please keep your distance.

  Pathum : Please i can’t do that. You know I cannot do that, please don’t speak this way. Scarlet! I love you sweetie, please say it back.

  I love you too Pathum!

  Scarlet : I hate you!!

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