Scarlet POV (June 2021)

  I kinda feel I was wrong about my decision. I think I shouldnt have left him that way, I think I need to give him a chance, but nevertheless does it matter?

  How many times did I forgive him hoping for a better future? He never learn his lessons. He never controlled his anger and most importantly his mouth.

  But he loves you he loves me

  No he don’t. He don’t love me.

  Scarlet he truly loves you, don’t you feel that the way he behaves?

  It doesn’t matter, he hurt me and he used me and I don’t give any importance to his plain excuses. If he truly loved me he wouldn’t dare to hurt me in the first place. But he hurt me. He did not just hurt me once but over and over again. He called me a bitch many times and he disrespected God and my family over and over again. Ofcourse at the end of his wrath he apologised but does it really matter after breaking my heart? It doesn’t matter how powerful and innocent and sympathised the apology is, a broken glass is a broken glass once its shattered no matter what you do you cannot bring it back to it’s original glory.

  I broke up with for a reason, I needed some peace and relief from him. I needed space. He need to respect that. Any girl in my position would have broke up with him way before I did. He is not a sweet person all the time. It doesn’t matter how much he love me he couldn’t protect me from his own self. So please stop making me feel like I committed a crime because I never did.

  Scarlet ; how many times do I need to tell you , stop calling me , I am busy.

  Pathum ; I’m sorry!

  Scarlet ; do you even know the meaning of that word?

  Pathum ; I am sorry sweetie .

  Scarlet ; hmm.

  Pathum ; how are your pain?

  Scarlet ; nothing at all.

  Pathum ; no tell me .

  Scarlet ; why do you care?

  Pathum ; I always do care about you. So tell me.

  Scarlet ; too late for it.

  Pathum ; don’t talk like that, we can oneday be happy and well, I promise I will make your happier.

  Scarlet ; I doubt it.

  Pathum ; I don’t.

  Scarlet ; do you have anything interesting to say?

  Pathum ; I love you

  Scarlet; ok

  Pathum ; and I will marry you

  Scarlet ; I am done talking

  Pathum ; I am not. I will marry you either here or there on your home town and yes I will give up my religion and citizenship to marry you.

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  Scarlet ; I don’t care.

  Pathum ; you will.

  Our conversations were just like that . nothing more or less, I didn’t interact with him a lot, always tried to block his path and stay away from him as best as possible. I did it for his sake I don’t want to hurt him more than I have done already . he should just let it go and let me be. He need to learn the damage his mouth has caused both of us. I am not planing to get over the breakup and get together with him anytime soon.

  Why can’t he respect my decision and let me be alone?

  Because he loves you

  That’s a lie! He never loved me he just loved the way I treated him that’s all.

  He is still here after all the rude ways you talked to him. Don’t you think he deserve some sort of kindness from you?

  He do not. He do not deserve any kindness from me. The best kindness I can offer him is talk to him once in a while, if he don’t respect that maybe he will loose it too.

  He came up with his OCD problems once and once again but I didn’t paid no attention to them. I got bigger problems to attend that baby sit him.

  He needs you. His ocd is destroying his peace. But I don’t want to join him but still I don’t want to see him suffer when I could plainly help him and rescue him.

  No I am not gonna help him no matter what the situation because he don’t deserve it. And most importantly he need to handle himself I can’t always baby sit him.

  How the heck is he going live if he can’t just handle some thoughts?

  I accept I feel sad for him but that doesn’t mean I should help him. He need to learn to fight alone, I can’t always be there for him,

  Or else he need to grow up

  Exactly!

  Pathum: Please help me I am scared.

  Scarlet : There’s nothing to be scared, you already know that it is just a thought.

  Stop bothering me over a silly thought.

  Pathum : it’s not just a silly thought Scarlet! I am really scared.

  Scarlet : Then stay scared.

  Pathum : ??

  Scarlet : What?

  Pathum : Please help me.

  Scarlet : How can I help you when you don’t listen? First of all listen, you never listen so I cannot help you.

  Pathum : Please don’t speak this way, you know how powerful this ocd is, I cannot handle these alone. I need you! Please so help me.

  Scarlet : How can I help you?? Huh?!!

  Pathum : I don’t know sweetie, I just don’t know. Just please keep talking until I go to bath, just listening to you helps me alot.

  Scarlet : Hmm..

  Pathum : Thank you sweetie!

  Scarlet : For what?

  Pathum : For helping me, for being here despite all the pain you go through. You are truly an angel.

  I feel bad for him now, I should have talked to him nicely.

  Scarlet : Whatever I have to go now. Just don’t think too much.

  Pathum : But please stay I am scared ??

  Scarlet : Scared? For Pete’s sake grow up, there’s nothing to be scared.

  You act like you did a crime. Gosh!!

  Pathum : Sweetie this ocd is so scary I am not lying.

  Scarlet : I know you ain’t lying, I am just trying to teach you to fight it alone.

  Pathum : I don’t need to fight alone, we can fight together.

  Scarlet : pathum.

  Ugh there’s no ‘we’ anymore. Why don’t you understand that Pathum ?

  Pathum : ??

  Scarlet : Pathum I am being serious. You have got to learn to handle it.

  Pathum : I can’t Sweetie, I just can’t. I van’t do it without you. Please so stay here with me.

  Scarlet : I am no longer someone’s toy. I will no longer be used by anybody.

  Pathum : What the hell! What are you even saying? Are you crazy? Nobody used you sweetie. Please, why are you in such a misunderstanding about me?

  Scarlet : Bye

  Pathum : Please don’t go. I can’t deal with these ocd thoughts, please come back sweetie. Just stay here for another few minutes. All you have to do is keep talking. Okay sweetie?

  Scarlet : …

  Pathum : I never used you sweetie, you know that than anybody in this world. I love you and I have no such bad intentions all I need is you, your presence in my life. Gosh please get out of that misunderstanding because that is separating us.

  Scarlet : BYE

  He kept saying he needed me and that he was scared of this pregnancy thing. Gosh any plain human being will understand that he is overreacting and letting his mind take control of him. I didn’t read his messages or reply to the rest of the messages because the pain in my stomach was stronger than the urge to reply his messages or sympathise with him.

  I never knew when I fell asleep but the moment the pain ceased I fell into slumber.

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