Pathum POV (June 2021)

  I miss her!

  She fell asleep when I needed her the most. No God it is absolutely not her fault that I am in this situation if there’s anyone to blame then it must be me. It is my dang fault that I in this freaking situation. I shouldn’t have dreamt unwanted lustful dreams.

  Am I really the one to blame? Can I blame myself for the dreams that occur in my dreams?

  Honestly I am sick and tired of this reproductive system. Why do I even see these dreams? Why does this body of mine desperate for umm Sex?

  Because you are pervert!

  Go to hell bustard I ain’t the pervert you are the dang pervert!

  What’s the difference sweetheart? You and me both are just one

  I am gonna file a divorce as soon as possible.

  Good luck!!.. My sweet perve-

  Fuck you bustard! Ughhh!!

  Hehe you are so cute

  Uhh thanksss

  But scarlet I am scared I need you, please wake up I mean ofcourse she needs her sleep and I doubt whether she could get her sweet sleep with the pain her body give her.

  Okay now I need to focus on my studies, so I attempted the only subject I score and that is biology.

  I was able to focus on the first ten minutes but then I got the need to pee and I reluctantly went to pee. And for God’s sake I spent 35 minutes for the whole process.

  If I breakdown the process it was all about soap and water to wash my hands, legs and the tap. My hands were terribly shaking and the skin tone of the above wrist and below wrist were of two colours mainly due to washing with soap.

  But I have to do it, I am forced to do it. If I don’t wash properly someone else might get preg- I don’t wanna say it. I am sick and tired of these scary thoughts. I mean I know nothing as such would happen but I can’t be careless. I can’t let something like that happen and for my worst nightmare to become a living breathing story.

  Can someone really become pregnant that way? You are studying biology shouldn’t you be ashamed of ever thinking such plain mumblings?

  Thanks to you and your thoughts I can never believe in science or God.

  You and I both are just one

  Unfortunately, yes. It’s just me and my mind. But honestly there’s two things, I mean I am not saying that there are two individuals inside me but what I understand is there are two forces within me, I identify one as me and the other is my mind. We say mind and body are ours but in truth both body and mind are two tools that are given to us but they are never ours.

  I have many theories and explanations to defend my statement.

  For an explanation think about our body which we claim as ours. Is it really ours? It is absolutely not!

  It grows without our permission!

  It reacts without our permission!

  It responds without our permission!

  It grows older and weaker even when we take good care of it!

  And then when I talk about our mind

  Aren’t our mind a separate entity or a seperate tool? If we think our mind is ours, that’s our greatest tragedy!

  Our mind thinks unwanted things without our permission!

  Our mind visualise things we don’t wanna see!

  Our mind tells us everything opposite and permits us to do harmful things when we are angry!

  Our mind likes anything sexual even when we don’t wanna do anything with any of such!

  Our mind shows us dreams at sleep and alongside that our body and mind enjoys what’s happening during that dream and eventually we wakes up to the reality just to suffer and die!

  All this wisdom within me but what’s the point I can’t stop these dreams from happening.

  All this mess is because of this crap dream thing, if these wet dreams would not happen nothing would happen but unfortunately this thing keeps happening to me over and over again even when I don’t want them to happen. Even when I asked God to stop this from happening, this kept happening.

  Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

  I stood for another five hours making sure my body didn’t contacted anywhere such as the bed or chair or curtain or wall or a tree or someone, the only two people that comes to check in me was mom and grandma and unfortunately I had to yell or be rude at them just to make sure they wouldn’t hug me or touch me. I mean I am doing these all for their sake. Aren’t I?

  When I finally got the chance to bathe I obviously had no hesitation to go for it. I spent 3 hours 20 minutes. Where I took half an hour for the toilet and then hours to wash my bedsheets and clothes and then rest to wash my body and to make sure all those dead rotting cells are purely gone out of my life. I mean they are my cells after all but they must be washed away and the moment I finally washed them completely off my body I felt relief after 15 hours.

  I washed the earphone as I had suspicions whether my body contacted it before bath. You know I can’t let anything happen to anyone. So even though part of me knew it was foolish and utterly useless to wash it, but I just did that.

  I texted Scarlet everything that happened the moment she went offline. I told her everything even when I know she wouldn’t respond to any of them.

  I miss her so so much!

  She is very serious with this break up thing and every single time she ignores me it feels as if someone is slowly ripping my heart. If she was here with me then I most likely had managed the day way better than I did without her.

  It was six in the evening here which means it's past 7 in the morning there. I texted her many good morning messages but she never responded to them.

  I have one person left and I am not sure whether she will be able to help me out. I don’t think she will agree but I have to try my chances.

  Will scarlet get mad with me for it?

  Pathum ; hello mom!

  Daisy ; hello dear!

  Pathum ; how are you doing ?

  Daisy ; I am doing fine dear and how are you?

  Pathum ; I am kinda okay and kinda sad, but overall I am okay.

  Daisy ; why are you not okay dear?

  Pathum ; I am okay.

  Daisy ; you wouldn't text me if it was, so tell me , how can I help you?

  Pathum ; thanks mom, thank you for your kindness.

  Daisy : I didn’t do anything to be thanked for son. So tell me what’s wrong?

  Pathum : Scarlet isn’t talking with me

  Daisy : She isn’t? I knew it! I knew there was something off between you both.

  Pathum : I am sorry mom! ??

  Daisy : it’s okay don’t cry

  Pathum : ??

  Daisy : Stop crying son! Calm down.

  Pathum : Okay ..

  Daisy ; now tell me what happened between you and my daughter, tell me everything, don't hide anything.

  Pathum ; I never lie mom.

  Daisy ; I know dear, but right now if I need to help you out you gotta tell me every single detail , only then will I be able to help you.

  Pathum ; but how do you know we were not okay?

  Daisy ; I knew It the moment she rejected your calls last week, I noticed something is odd and I also noticed her mood is totally off she was never in a happy mood and she wasn’t always on the phone too. So I guess something was wrong and I asked Abigail what’s wrong with you and she told me something had happened between you two and now both are separated.

  Pathum ; I am sorry I have many things that I gotta tell you but I am scared how to tell you and how to explain things.

  Daisy ; you can start with zero and proceed to your current problem and I promise I will assure you a solution I wont just stand and do nothing. So dear tell me.

  Pathum ; okay mom.

  I told her everything, from march 13th to becoming lovers and how I went onto hurt her and ruin her life. I confessed my sins, well I am not that of a sinner but some sins have being committed from my side so I shall pay for them. Once I told her what I need to tell, she understood my situation.

  Daisy ; I understand your fears, but child give her some space like she ask then all shall be well.

  Pathum ; but mom I miss her.

  Daisy ; you have to give her some time and let her think of what she has done.

  Pathum ; you think she will comeback?

  Daisy ; well she should.

  Pathum ; arent you mad with me or her cause we didn’t told you about our relationship quite earlier?

  Daisy ; I am not.

  Pathum ; was it a surprise ?

  Daisy ; it wasn’t I knew it all the way.

  Pathum ; how?

  Daisy ; it wasn’t quite difficult, I was once in her situation so I understand you both, I am not going to hurt you

  Pathum ; please mom don’t hurt her, she would be so mad when she get to know what I had done.

  Daisy ; don’t you worry.

  Once we were done talking I wasn’t sure how I was feeling.

  I didn’t know it was leather or a feather .

  yeah I know, havent you heard that saying? If you havent now you do.

  I didn’t know which was what but I was expecting some call from her or a text but she seemed silent all the way.

  Thank you so much for reading!

  Please vote, comment & share!!

  Be grateful!!!