Chapter 7: The Goblin Fortress of Forbidden Things (Part 1)
The sun rose like it had no job security. It creaked over the skyline, wobbling in pce like it was hungover and unsure if it should even bother today. A rooster crowed, then immediately choked and fell over.
Darryl was already awake.
Not because he wanted to be—but because he’d just been kicked out again. His cheek still stung from the sp of his own house keys bouncing off his face. Another Tuesday. Another exile. Another stroll of shame down the driveway in his sad, oversized hoodie.
Except today, he had a pn.
Today wasn’t a supermarket run.
It wasn’t a pity nap in the undromat’s lost-and-found pile.
No.
Today… was an adventure.
---
Ly was waiting for him at the city’s one and only magic bus stop—a wooden bench covered in glitter, dried ramen stains, and magical graffiti that just read: “Lick This for Regret.”
Ly twirled her staff as she sat with her legs kicked up, wearing her usual “barely a costume” outfit: a semi-transparent, sky-blue priestess robe with gold trim that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Her nipples poked through like two tiny guilt daggers, and her waist was slim enough to legally qualify as a bde.
She looked like a fantasy RPG character who forgot what rating the game was supposed to be.
“There you are, slowpoke!” Ly yelled, grinning. “Did Wife’s Boyfriend give you a parting wedgie again?”
“He said I deserved it for using the st of his hair gel,” Darryl muttered, plopping down beside her.
Ly snorted. “Honestly, fair.”
He gave her a side-eye. “You ready for this?”
She stood up dramatically. “Born ready! Today, we enter the Goblin Fortress of Forbidden Things! A dungeon so dangerous it was sealed behind three warnings, one curse, and a strongly worded Yelp review!”
Darryl blinked. “Is this another one of your ‘adventures’ that ends in public embarrassment and mild burns?”
“No!” she said too quickly. “This one ends in glory… and possibly treasure. Also, the st two guys who went there got eaten, but one of them was rude so it evens out.”
He sighed. “Why do I let you talk me into these things?”
“Because your other option is crying behind a 7-Eleven,” she chirped, opening a glowing portal in the air. “And also because deep down, you’re a sucker for danger and cleavage.”
“I hate that you’re not wrong,” he muttered, and jumped in after her.
---
Inside the Goblin Fortress
The portal dropped them into darkness. The smell hit first: mold, sweat, and something that might’ve once been soup. A single torch flickered ahead, casting shadows on stone walls scratched with goblin graffiti. (“No hoomans or I scream!!”)
“This pce smells like a used sock in a haunted microwave,” Darryl whispered.
Ly sniffed and gagged. “Ugh. Goblins have zero scent etiquette. I cast 'Air Freshener'!”
She waved her staff.
Nothing happened.
“That’s not even a real spell,” Darryl deadpanned.
“It is in my heart,” she said proudly.
They made their way deeper, sneaking past snoring goblin guards and piles of bones arranged like bad IKEA furniture. Darryl kept flinching at every creak, his butter knife shaking in his hands.
At one point, a bat flew overhead.
“I GOT THIS!” Darryl screamed—and ran straight into a wall.
Ly groaned, picked him up by the hood, and dragged him into the throne room.
It was there they met her.
---
The Goblin Princess.
She lounged on a throne made of bones, pillows, and stolen beanbags. Her skin was a strange emerald hue, but she had curves that would make a sculpture weep and eyes that shimmered like radioactive emeralds. Her dress was torn in all the right pces, with slits running dangerously high on her thighs and cleavage deep enough to echo.
“Visitors?” she purred.
Ly narrowed her eyes. “We seek the Sacred Loot of Grog’Nuk!”
The princess ignored her completely, focusing on Darryl.
“You…” she said, standing. “You look… edible.”
“I showered today,” Darryl said defensively. “Well, emotionally.”
She sauntered over to him, hips swaying like a metronome set to ‘slow seduction.’
Ly made a gagging noise in the background.
The princess cupped Darryl’s chin. “You have the face of a lost soul… and the body of a confused intern.”
“I get that a lot,” he croaked.
“You’re brave, entering my ir…”
“I’m not brave, just emotionally compromised,” he whispered, trembling.
Still, she leaned in closer. “Do you know what happens to heroes who wander too deep into goblin territory?”
“They get eaten, right?”
“They get kissed,” she whispered, and pressed her lips to his.
---
Darryl’s mind bnked.
Her mouth was warm. Her breath smelled like strange berries. His knees gave out. Something primal stirred inside him—a feeling he hadn’t felt since the st time he touched a warm undry dryer at the coin-op.
“Oh my God,” he muttered. “I’m… excited?”
He began to fumble at his hoodie. “Wait, this is happening? This is actually—”
He pulled off his hoodie. Then his shirt. His pants were halfway down before Ly screamed—
“DARRYL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”
“I DON’T KNOW!” he yelled. “I panicked in a good way for once!”
He reached out to the princess’s corset.
She giggled, licking her lips.
And then—
THUNK.
His head smmed into the throne. His eyes rolled back.
He colpsed.
Unconscious.
---
Fade to bck.
