Chapter 3 : I May Have Touched the Orb Wrong
The Orb of Everthrob hummed like a microwave full of sin.
Selestra chanted softly under her breath, her hands weaving arcane shapes in the air like she was trying to sp invisible boobs.
Me? I stood five feet away, absolutely vibrating with the urge to poke it.
“It’s not a toy,” she said without looking at me.
I didn’t say anything. Not out loud, anyway.
But my brain was yelling: Touch the orb, Darryl. It’s round. It’s glowing. It looks like a mood-lit boob. Touch it!
Selestra stopped mid-chant and narrowed her eyes. “If you touch it before the purification is complete, it may imprint on your desire.”
I nodded.
She kept chanting.
I touched it.
---
“Darryl, what did you just do?”
I looked at her, sheepishly.
The orb was now glowing bright pink. It pulsed once. Then again. Then it moaned.
“I—uh—accidentally brushed it with my elbow?”
The orb floated into the air. Swirled. Wiggled. Then it exploded in a spray of sparkles and soft jazz. A pink mist whooshed out and shot into my face like a magical perfume shotgun.
I choked. My pants tightened immediately.
Selestra covered her nose. “Oh no.”
“Oh yes,” I whispered.
The room pulsed. The walls turned a faint rose hue. Suddenly, the entire temple began to… undute.
“What’s happening?” I groaned. “Why do I feel like I’m inside a hot tub commercial?”
“You awakened its thirst mode,” Selestra muttered. “You turned it into a Lust Relic.”
“...This isn’t bad though, right?”
“You might die.”
Still not sounding like a bad trade.
---
The orb settled into the air between us and gave off a sultry voice.
“Bearer... tell me your need.”
I opened my mouth, but Selestra smacked me with her staff before I could say “thighs.”
“She means your quest,” she hissed.
“Right! Right. Sorry. Got distracted by your—uh, by the temple walls. They're... wiggly.”
“Your wife,” the orb said. “You seek something… compensation?”
“I mean, yeah,” I muttered. “Every Tuesday I get kicked out while she and Chadriguez go at it like emotionally damaged rabbits. I figured I’d get something out of it.”
The orb shimmered. “Very well. One path opens to the bearer who burns brightest.”
Selestra paled. “That’s a sex dungeon.”
The floor opened.
---
We nded in a pillowy red chamber that smelled like incense, velvet, and bad decisions.
Statues lined the room—each one a different sultry pose. Some of them were moving. Slowly. Grinning.
There was a throne at the far end, carved from what looked like obsidian and buttocks.
On it sat a woman.
She wore silk. Barely. Her hair floated like it was underwater, and her eyes glowed violet.
“The Trial Mistress,” Selestra whispered. “She tests your resistance. If you fail, she’ll bind you as a… toy.”
“…And if I win?” I asked, adjusting my pants.
“She lets you leave.”
“Huh. Still not seeing the downside here.”
---
The Trial Mistress rose.
“You dare disturb my chamber?” she purred. “A mortal man, full of unspent lust and ill-fitting pants?”
“Hey. These jeans are vintage. I bought them when my marriage still had hope.”
She stepped down from the throne, every movement a physics glitch of seduction.
“I sense frustration,” she whispered.
“You don’t say.”
“You are touched by the Everthrob.”
She circled me. I tried not to drool.
“You crave... satisfaction.”
My eyes darted to Selestra. “She said no touching.”
“I say… survive me,” the Mistress said, and snapped her fingers.
Chains fell from the ceiling. A bed rose from the floor. Rose petals rained from nowhere. A saxophone started pying from an invisible corner.
“Oh boy.”
---
The trial was... difficult.
I dont think i could even pull out 'ahem'
Not because I didn’t enjoy it. Oh, I did. At first.
But the Trial Mistress had stamina.
Endless stamina.
Every time I thought I’d finished the test, she’d pull out a new challenge—lingerie-based riddles, tongue-twister kissing spells, enchanted lotion that made my skin buzz like bees in a sauna.
She squirted like a waterfall
Selestra watched with open disgust.
“You’re making noises I didn’t know were humanly possible.”
“I think I unlocked a new moan.”
I was on my fourth colpse when the orb finally beeped.
Trial complete. Libido threshold exceeded. Bearer is certified.
The Mistress kissed my forehead. “You were... tolerable.”
“I’ll take it.”
---
We stumbled out of the chamber, me barely walking straight, Selestra pretending she didn’t see me try to high-five a statue on the way out.
“You passed,” she said, arms crossed. “Congratutions. You have the Orb. You reek of regret.”
“Thanks,” I wheezed. “I call that scent Tuesday.”
---
Back at the portal, Celendria was waiting.
She raised an eyebrow. “You touched it, didn’t you?”
“Define ‘touched.’”
She rolled her eyes. “Just give me the orb.”
I handed it over, reluctantly. It glowed pink one st time, made a sound like a flirty giggle, then dimmed.
Celendria sniffed the air. “You smell like sin.”
“You mean Créam pie?”
"Whatever" She sighed. “You’ve completed your quest. You’ll be deposited back into your home shortly.”
“Cool. Thanks.”
“Warning,” she added. “Your wife’s boyfriend is still there.”
“I figured.”
“And he used your robe.”
“...He what?”
The portal opened.
“See you next Tuesday,” Celendria said with a smirk, then shoved me in.
---
I nded in the bushes outside my own house.
It was dark. Quiet.
I stood up, adjusted my still-glowing pants, and limped toward the front door.
Chadriguez was pounding my wife. He put her boobs out of the window and was having fun with her
He waved at me from the window, and spped my wife in the ass, She gave a horny moan.
I gave him a thumbs-up and walked off down the street.
One more Tuesday survived.
Next week? I’d go back.
Maybe for gold.
Maybe for power.
Maybe for a dragoness that wouldn’t judge my Google searches.
