FeyKitsune

  it gets a bit intense with a less than consensual sexual encounter and a some really shitty transphobia.

  [colpse] I feel good about this chapter but I really don't want someone reading it without knowing this sort of content is coming. I'll try to add these sorts of warnings to the start of any chapters like this.

  The crew scattered out of the bridge to their various jobs and whatever else they had going on as I pulled up the ship's stores on my dispy to see what needed replenishing. We had a fair amount of ammo, but like Kane and Josh said, we were retively low. The Hare wasn't exactly the biggest ship around - just a medium frigate - and we would need to dock and restock if we wanted to remain effective.

  I made my way down to the engineering bay situated just off of the hold - tucked snugly between the engines and guts of the ship, and the main storage where I could access everything I needed as I took care of our home, the Feathered Hare.

  When I got there I pulled my dispy and engineering console over to me and called up the damaged PD gun, asking the ship to send it down to me from where it sat retracted in its bay under the armour while not in use.

  There was a chime on the comms signalling a ship wide message before Valk's voice came through the ships intercom. "Alright, dies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. Please put your seat belts on and keep all your bits inside the vessel - we are heading into slip space!"

  I smiled to myself and braced for the jolt that would run through the ship as we passed between real space and slip space - apparently so-called because flying through it was simir to slipping around on ice or something? It basically let us move much further, much faster.

  A few seconds ter the engineering bay rattled and I felt a familiar chill run up my spine, one of the telltale symptoms of crossing in and out of slip space. Then I returned to monitoring the drone's repair work and waited for the ship to deliver my gun on the rge rail that ran throughout the ship and into the top of engineering in the hold.

  The drones had been able to fix up most of the superficial dents in the armour, but there was a small breach in the armour which they were still working on fixing and then repairing the pte itself. I watched the small, sad twisted gun (which was still a fair bit rger than I was) enter the hold and then travel along the monorail above engineering to me and asked the ship to lower it down to me. The roof of engineering slid open and the gun sat suspended in the center of the room for me where I could move around it to begin taking it apart.

  It was a long job, and I had just started taking the outer pting off when I heard footsteps outside in the hold approaching the door to the engineering bay. From the gate of the footsteps I could tell it was Cara. I was always good at recognising people nearby before I could see them for some reason.

  "Hey, Alex!" I heard Cara's voice call out to me as she reached the door.

  I gnced up from my work and saw her, a beautiful young woman with long dark brown hair, a short, thin, lithe figure, and pale skin. She was wearing her usual on-duty clothes - a form-fitting grey and blue shirt under a bck leather jacket with a patch of the insignia of the Feathered Hare sewn into the shoulder, and a utility belt with pockets full of useful electronic tools and devices. She stopped in front of me and leaned against a table with an array of mechanical part on it.

  "I just got done checking the shield generator and it's operating okay but it's making a rattling sound, if you could take a look at it that'd be great., she said, her voice soft and quiet. She was usually sharp and impervious around others, but that was part of the reason I liked her so much. She was to the point when she needed to be but knew she could be more rexed when it was just us two alone.

  I gave her a small smile and nodded. "Hey, Cara. I'm not quite done with the gun yet, but you're welcome to stay with me here if you want."

  "Mm, okay," she replied, stepping down and approaching. She took out her interfacing tablet and took control of the workshop's maniputor arm to help me get the heavy outer casing of the gun out of the way. Inside, the internals were like they'd been put through a blender. The fighters and managed to mangle it up almost entirely.

  I got to work stripping away all the damaged parts and setting aside the bits that could be reused and then requisitioned repcement parts from the ship's surplus stock. A little ter some of my maintenance drones rolled into the shop carrying the parts I needed in transport cases. I made sure to thank them - earning a weird look from Cara like I always did when I talked to my bots while she was around. I couldn't help that I saw my drones as my pets and friends! They were run by an AI designated specifically to my engineering css in the game - so they were basically alive anyway as far as I was concerned.

  Her dad was a professional chef that cooked for upper css officials in the real world. Her mum didn't have a job but she was highly respected in the church and as matriarch of their family expected nothing but the best from her daughter. She was used to following orders, and she was good at it, but she had always dreamed of a career where she could do more for society and make a real difference in people's lives. I really respected that drive in her, even when it meant that she prioritised her image or her volunteering and studies into science and technology over me. At least we still spent plenty of time together online though.

  We'd met in an online gaming group just after full-dive virtual reality became a thing commercially. Then when it quickly took off as the next big thing in gaming and Infinite Stars took off, we made characters together and now it was where we spent all of our free time when we weren't on our work cycles.

  I looked up at her, taking in her presence in the room and admiring how beautiful she looked despite the aggressive lights of the engineering bay. The sharp line of her lips contrasted with the soft curve of her cheek and the way her slightly wavy hair pyed over her shoulders. I was lost in my appreciation of her when I realised she was looking at me with an eyebrow raised.

  "Having fun there, lover-boy?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. I tripped over my words and quickly turned back to the naked gun I was beginning to reassemble piece by piece.

  "Umm, yep!" I choked out dumbly. I gnced back up at her and saw a predatory smile on her face. Oh dear... here it comes...

  She put her tablet down on the workbench beside her and slinked seductively across the workshop to me, her eyes looking me down and then up before locking entrancingly with mine.

  I knew what was coming and I searched my brain for the right response to give.

  She moved like water and smelled sweet as she drew near, running a hand along my too-broad chest around to my rge, bulky shoulders. I stiffened uncomfortably momentarily, feeling like a deer in headlights - not wanting to move an inch at the risk of making things worse or messing up somehow - before I willed myself to commit to this dance for her.

  I slid my hand around her waist and pulled her against me - so small and dainty in my arms, like she was a flower and I was a giant that had plucked her from the ground. I was supposed to like this, right?

  "That's it, I know you want me..." she purred up at me as she pushed me back against the heavy gun behind me with a thump. "I love being your weak little toy, Alex... Do you want to py with me?"

  Her eyes were half lidded and she was making a strange exaggerated half O half kissing face with her lips. I knew this meant I had to be sexy back to her so I moaned from the bottom of my throat and pushed her backwards, walking her forcefully onto the workbench behind her.

  "Yes, Cara. You're so sexy and helpless under me..." I said as convincingly as I could. She seemed satisfied with that because she made a hissing sound that was supposed to be a snarl and cwed at my neck with her nails.

  I looked down at her body and then up into her eyes, which were glowing with hunger and excitement.

  She was breathing hard when her hands began moving down my shirt to begin unbuckling my pants. She eagerly reached underneath them and I held my breath as I felt her fingers curl around the growing bulge there.

  I made an effort to breathe and not think too hard about what was going on down there. Just stay focused and go with the flow and-

  "Oooh, my strong, handsome alpha. You know what you need... please give your submissive a reward and fuck me with that monster co-"

  "WHOA! I am so sorry guys!"

  I stepped back immediately like I had just been electrocuted and stood there stunned while I tried to realign my senses and figure out what was happening.

  Cara, who was half turned away from the door in shame, looked up at me disappointedly before looking guiltily at the intruder.

  It was Josh, I saw when I also looked over at him.

  His face was bright red and his arms were raised to block his vision, which he was slowly lowering now as the three of us took a second to process what had just happened.

  Josh cleared his throat and continued to try to break the awkwardness. "I just came down to see if Alex needed any help, I didn't... I mean I had no idea you were here, Cara, or that- you know... you guys were..."

  "It's fine, Josh." Cara said firmly. She was frustrated and angry, but I had felt there was more to it than just being interrupted. A needles of anxiety prickled into my neck - rising above the already roaring chamber of embarrassment and confusion that was rumbling in my chest.

  "If you want I can go-" Josh muttered, beginning to turn away.

  "No, it's fine. I have work to do." Cara spat as she stomped across the workshop and out past Josh. He stayed completely still as she passed him - as if she would eat him whole if he dared move an inch.

  A few awkward moments passed as Cara's stomping footsteps made their way across the cargo hold and away into the ship outside, leaving Josh and me staring awkwardly at each other.

  When she was finally gone, Josh suddenly burst into ughter and doubled over.

  "DUDE!" he excimed. I just watched him dumbly, not understanding.

  "Dude!" he repeated again. "I am so sorry! It looked like I just interrupted something GOOD!"

  I frowned as I started to put the pieces together.

  "Josh, it's fine... don't worry about it." I said, keeping my voice even. I was reminded once again how little I knew about how to be a "bro" or a "real man" - it seemed to come so naturally to others somehow.

  I sighed and turned around to escape by continuing to put the gun back together.

  "So, what's up?" I asked him.

  He calmed down and wiped tears of ughter from his eyes before replying.

  "Oh, I finished making sure all my gear was stowed and was just gonna see if you needed help with my wrecked gun." He expined. "I felt bad for wrecking it and also just sorta wanted to hang out, so figured I'd come visit."

  "Ah, cool, okay." I said simply with a few nods. He made his way over to me and sat against the workbench I had just been pushing Cara against.

  "I had no idea your girl was in here though... man, you're so lucky to be able to py with your girlfriend." he said wistfully.

  "Don't you live with your girlfriend?" I asked, with a confused look over my shoulder at him.

  "Well, yeah... but she doesn't game or anything."

  "Why don't you spend time with her doing stuff she likes then? I'd love to spend time IRL with my girlfriend." I continued.

  "Because all she likes doing is boring stuff like sewing dresses and shit. You know, girl stuff." He said matter of fact.

  "Right..." I just returned to my work, unsure of where to go from here.

  Josh had been my best friend since primary school. When we were getting picked on we'd fight our bullies together and after school spend all our time gaming or hanging out around our residential block. We'd py pranks on each other and talk about things we'd never talk to anyone else about. We were an inseparable duo. As we got older we stayed close and spent just as much time together, but he had grown into a really macho-man-type guy while I'd grown into, well... me.

  "So yeah," he continued, "you're super lucky to be able to game with your girl. Especially in a game like this where she made her character to look so hot and stuff!"

  "I guess I see your point..." I responded thoughtfully. It is pretty awesome being able to see my girlfriend - who was beautiful IRL - and see her in another form that was idealised and video-game perfect. The bodies this game could make were seriously impressive. It would be kinda interesting to see what it was like to make a female character, actually. I pictured my ideal woman - short and cute with soft, sweet features and colourful, fun hair. Small, elegant but dainty proportions. The kind of figure that you wanted to just pick up and hold.

  I turned around to face him as I continued my train of thought out loud.

  "Hey, have you ever thought of making a female character?"

  "What?! Fuck no!" Josh barked a surprised ugh and looked at me with wide eyes like I'd asked him if he'd ever wanted to jump into a volcano. Then his voice dropped into an amused, considerate tone as he clutched at his chest. "Though I guess being able to py with tits anytime I wanted would be fun..." he trailed off mock-thoughtfully before bursting into ughter.

  I turned back, feeling my face turning red. I gazed down at the gun in front of me. My eyes traced over the small lines and imperfections in the surface of the metal casing, taking in the way the metal shined under the bright, harsh workshop lights. Josh was still cackling when I spoke again, softly and vulnerably - feeling as if what I was going to ask next was equivalent to standing bare before an exploding sun.

  "You mean you've never thought of what it'd be like to be a girl?"

  Josh went quiet.

  I wasn't sure if it was because he didn't hear me properly over his ughter or because he was considering the question behind me. I didn't dare turn to face him. Instead I pictured my ideal woman - short and cute with soft, sweet features and colourful, fun hair. Small, elegant but dainty proportions. The kind of figure that you wanted to just pick up and hold. I imagined that that was me inside that body. Wondered how it would feel to be feminine and light, gentle and small rather than big, bulky, and man-ish. How it would feel to be a girl. A woman.

  "You've never wanted to be a girl?"

  There was total silence other than the constant whir of the lights and hum of the engine - maybe the occasional other ambient sound of the ship. In that retive silence I felt some hidden tension inside me that had always existed but I could never perceive - a part of me that had always been giving yellow and red alerts that had never been deciphered by my brain. It was a part of me that I had long since buried and forgotten, and now it was here and I could feel it. Holy fuck, I could feel it. It was small, and bound, and painful, and curled up so, so tightly and as soon as I focused on it for the first time in my remembered life - as soon as I perceived this infinitesimally tense bundle of wound up energy... it shifted. The stress it was under was impossibly strong and yet it held and did not come undone. I don't know how this force didn't fly loose and tear me to pieces as it went, but it held. Just.

  There was this part deep inside of me that came ever so slightly undone.

  And I was terrified.

  A moment passed.

  "Dude, are you serious right now?" Josh asked with a disbelieving-but-amused chuckle

  I looked up at him and didn't realise there were tears in my eyes. I looked away again, feeling so SO stupid. But it was too te.

  "Dude, you're crying?! You're actually being serious??!" Out of the corner of my now-blurred vision I watched him shuffle backwards a bit and put his hands above his head. He barked a ugh that didn't sound amused. More confused? Concerned? Conflicted?

  "Bro, what? You wanna be a girl?"

  I grit my teeth.

  "Dude, are you a trans?"

  "No!"

  "Bro, does that mean you're gay?"

  "Fuck you, Josh!"

  "Fuck, dude! Don't yell at me! I'm just asking."

  I felt a pang of guilt for shouting at him but I was also terrified of what this conversation meant. I turned back to him and let out a deep breath. I wish I could unsay everything I'd said and go back to just working on my machines surrounded by my bots that would never judge me, or make fun of me, or make me do things I wasn't comfortable with and didn't feel right for me.

  I heard the beep of a ship wide message and waited, confused, for the announcement. It shouldn't be anywhere near time to exit slip space - even if we did happen to be close to our first destination.

  My blood turned to ice as I heard Josh's voice barking out of the speakers. The same speakers that would be repeating the message across the entire ship.

  "Alex, please tell me again what you just said. Guys, I think Alex is either pying an amazing prank or has gone crazy - listen to this!"

  "Josh! Shut the fuck up!"

  "Dude! I'm just being a good ally or whatever the fuck! Say what you said again, it's hirious!"

  "JOSH!"

  "Guys, Alex wants to be a girl." He roared into ughter. It peaked over the microphone that transmitted to the ship's intercom and echoed off the metal walls of the ship's hold. I felt the tears beginning to run down my face and I was hopeless to stop them now.

  "Josh, please! Don't do this!" I begged - and I heard my voice reyed weakly through the speakers dimly. I sounded weak and pathetic.

  "Dude! Chill, it's just a prank, right? Surely..." He asked, looking at me genuinely assure d that I was joking and confused at my reaction. "Right?"

  I just ran. I dropped my tools and bolted across the hold and up the stairs. When I reached the ships main corridor I saw Cara, Valkyrie, and Shane at the end of it. They had been coming my way before they saw me, and now they just stood frozen, unsure of what was going on. The speakers had gone quiet now, at least.

  "Alex!" the three of them shouted at once. Valk sounded concerned, Shane sounded confused, and Cara sounded pissed.

  I ignored them and sprinted towards my room - which was in their direction. When they saw me move they ran to reach me but I was too fast.

  I crossed the distance between the door to the hold and the door to my room in seconds and smmed my hand down on the interface panel to open it.

  As soon as I could fit through I threw my hand back behind me to hit the interior panel to close it behind me. I ground to a halt and span around like my life depended on it and hit the lock button before the others could reach the door.

  A stereotypical 'lock' click sound pyed and the open button turned red. I made it.

  A heartbeat ter I the knocking started.

  "Alex, open this door, NOW!" Cara sounded furious.

  "Cara, what the fuck is goin-" Valk tried to ask but she was cut off.

  "ALEX!"

  "What going on, Cara?" Shane asked firmly, trying to take control of the situation. Cara just ignored him and kept screaming at me through the door.

  I crossed the small bedroom and sat on the floor, slumped against the side of the bed. Everything was too much. I felt like I was drowning in the stress and the humiliation. I didn’t know what to do or what I was feeling but I had no hope of righting myself again at this moment.

  I heard the shouting outside my door - it sounded like Josh and Kane had arrived now. I heard the engines beneath me. I felt the ship vibrating and moving like a great heartbeat. I was suddenly aware of how bare my room was when everyone else had decorated theirs. I guess I didn’t like any of the options I could have chosen. That I was allowed to choose. That Cara would let me choose… no - that I would let myself choose.

  That horribly tight coil within me shifted again, and this time I felt it come undone with the force of a giant bridge cable snapping. I felt it blow through my heart and chest and mind and soul and I opened the game menu and hit log out.

  Everything went dark and I felt numb.

  FeyKitsune