The sun didn't set. It just clicked off.

  One moment, the Spaghetti Code Wilderness was bathed in a harsh, sickly yellow light. The next CLICK the sky went #000000 Black. The developer had clearly forgotten to code a transition, so the world simply swapped the "Day" skybox for the "Night" skybox in a single frame.

  "Ah," Gideon sighed, leaning against a tree that looked like a wireframe pyramid. "The blanket of night falls with the subtlety of a headsman's axe. Truly, the gods are efficient."

  Kai rubbed his back. He was currently sitting on a patch of "grass," but because the physics engine in this zone was broken, the grass had no collision mesh. Kai was effectively sitting on a flat, hardwood floor that had been painted green.

  "It’s not efficient, Gideon," Kai groaned, shifting to find a comfortable spot on the concrete-hard texture. "It’s lazy. The whole world is just... placeholder assets."

  "Place-Holder?" Gideon repeated the word with reverence. "Is that a Titan? Does he hold the world in place so it does not drift?"

  Kai opened his mouth to explain 3D modeling, looked at the knight’s earnest face, and gave up. "Yes. Ideally. But I think he’s sleeping on the job right now."

  "I find it peaceful," Viscount Pigglesworth sniffed. The nobleman was currently standing on a flat rock, refusing to touch the dirt. "Although, the lack of a turndown service is appalling. I expected a mint on my pillow. Instead, I have found a twig in my boot. The amenities here are strictly one-star."

  "We need food," Kai said, his stomach giving a treacherous rumble.

  "Fear not, my Lord!" Gideon stood up, his armor clanking loudly in the silence. "I shall forage! This forest is bountiful!"

  Gideon marched three steps to a patch of tall, yellow grass. He grabbed a handful and pulled. SNAP. It didn't tear like grass. It snapped with the dry, brittle sound of uncooked pasta.

  He shoved a handful of dry angel-hair pasta into his mouth. CRUNCH. CRUNCH.

  "I refuse," Pigglesworth declared, looking at the dry noodles with disdain. "It looks like petrified worms. I require a sauce."

  "I can help!"

  The air shimmered, and Clippy popped into existence. The paperclip bobbed happily above their depressing campsite. "It looks like you're trying to cook! Would you like a recipe for Virtual Meatloaf?"

  "No," Kai sighed. "Just go into sleep mode, Clippy."

  "Okay! I will remain here, watching you breathe! :)"

  Kai shuddered and leaned back against the hard air. "Fine. We sleep hungry. Again."

  "Not yet," Gideon said, his voice strangely muffled. "I must... perform maintenance."

  Kai looked over. The Knight was sitting cross-legged, his massive Glazed Pumpkin resting on his lap.

  The "weapon" had been dipped in industrial-grade sugar resin back in Oakhaven. It was hard as a rock. Unfortunately, after a day of hiking through the humid, glitchy wilderness, the sugar had begun to... weep.

  The pumpkin was glistening. It was sticky. Incredibly, dangerously sticky.

  "It requires polishing," Gideon explained. "A Knight's blade must shine."

  He pulled a rag from his belt and slapped it onto the pumpkin. He wiped.

  The rag didn't move. It stuck fast to the amber shell.

  "Ah," Gideon said.

  He pulled. The rag stayed. The pumpkin lifted off his lap.

  "Gideon," Kai warned. "Don't force it."

  "I have it under control!" Gideon grunted. He placed his left hand on the pumpkin to brace it and pulled the rag with his right.

  SQUELCH.

  Now his left gauntlet was fused to the pumpkin.

  "Gideon."

  "It is merely... a firm grip," Gideon sweated. He tried to pull his hand free. The pumpkin was heavy, and the sugar bond was stronger than steel. He pulled harder. The pumpkin didn't detach from his hand; instead, the rag on the other side detached from his belt and wrapped around his forearm.

  "I appear to be... entangled," Gideon admitted, panic creeping into his voice.

  He stood up, flailing. The pumpkin was stuck to his left hand. The rag was stuck to the pumpkin and his right elbow. He tried to kick it off. THWACK. His boot stuck to the bottom of the gourd.

  "Help!" Gideon shrieked, hopping on one leg. "The Gourd of Justice! It hungers for my flesh! It is consuming me!"

  "It’s just sugar, you idiot!" Kai yelled, getting up.

  "It looks like you're Trapped!" Clippy chirped, appearing next to Gideon's face. "Would you like me to delete your arm? That would free you instantly!"

  "Do not delete the limb!" Gideon screamed. "Sorcerer, aid me!"

  Kai raised his hand. He needed water. Warm water to melt the sugar.

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  "System!" Kai commanded. "Water!"

  PING.

  [Voice Command Recognized: "Water"] [Autocorrecting...] [Did you mean: "Waiter"?] [Summoning Service Staff...]

  POP.

  A man in a crisp black tuxedo appeared in the clearing. He held a pitcher in one hand and a white towel over the other arm. He looked at the glitchy, wireframe forest with the weary expression of a man who had worked a double shift in hell.

  "Good evening," the phantom Waiter droned. "Complimentary water for the table."

  He deftly poured a small glass of water and set it on the flat rock.

  "No!" Kai yelled. "I need more water! Throw the pitcher on him! He's stuck!"

  "I cannot waste inventory," the Waiter said stiffly. "Are you ready to order?"

  "Wait! Garcon!"

  Viscount Pigglesworth scrambled off his flat rock, eyes wide with desperation. He waved his empty teacup frantically.

  "Finally!" Pigglesworth shouted. "A professional! I require a scone, a cucumber sandwich, and a hot towel to wipe this filth from my brow! Make it snappy!"

  The Waiter pulled out a notepad. He looked at Pigglesworth. Then he looked at his feet.

  Because the ground had no collision mesh, the Waiter’s shiny dress shoes were clipping through the floor, ankle-deep in the grey texture.

  "I am sorry, sir," the Waiter said, closing his notepad. "But I cannot open a tab here. You are currently seated in 'The Void'. We do not deliver to non-Euclidean geometry."

  "I am a Viscount!" Pigglesworth shrieked, reaching for the Waiter's tuxedo. "Take my order! I am starving!"

  "My shift is over," the Waiter deadpanned.

  BLIP.

  The Waiter vanished instantly. Pigglesworth, who had lunged to grab him, swiped at empty air and stumbled forward, nearly dropping his teacup.

  [System Notification] [Service Instance Terminated: Out of Delivery Zone.]

  "Why?" Pigglesworth whispered to the empty air, heartbroken. "He was right there. He had a napkin."

  "He went home, Pigglesworth," Kai muttered. He wasn't going to try to explain NPC despawn timers to a man wearing velvet in a forest. "He... he forgot his stove was on."

  "It didn't work!" Gideon wailed from the floor, interrupting the moment. "The complimentary water was insufficient! I am still one with the gourd!"

  "Wait," Kai said, freezing. He heard a sound.

  Skitter. Skitter. Skitter.

  "What is that?" Pigglesworth asked, adjusting his monocle. "It sounds like... very small tap dancers."

  Kai looked at the pumpkin. A blue notification box appeared above the weapon.

  [Item Passive Triggered: Ant-Attraction] [Status: Oh no.]

  "Gideon," Kai stepped back. "I forgot the pumpkin has a passive skill."

  "Does it summon a shield?" Gideon asked hopefully from the floor.

  "Not exactly."

  Out of the tall spaghetti grass came the Ants.

  But this was the Spaghetti Code Wilderness. These weren't normal ants. They were Fire Ants. Not the species—they were literally tiny, walking cinders of flame.

  "Demon bugs!" Gideon screamed.

  "They want the sugar!" Kai realized. "Hold still! They'll melt the bond!"

  "They are on fire!"

  "It's a cauterizing heal!" Kai lied. "Just let them work!"

  The stream of fiery ants swarmed over Gideon. They didn't bite him; they went straight for the melting, sticky sugar.

  Hiss. Sizzle.

  The heat from their bodies melted the resin instantly. Gideon’s hand popped free. Then his foot. Then the rag.

  "I am free!" Gideon scrambled backward, swatting tiny flaming insects off his armor. "The ordeal is over!"

  The ants, having consumed the loose sugar, marched back into the grass, glowing like a trail of embers.

  "Disgusting," Pigglesworth judged, dusting ash off his own sleeve. "Using insects as a cleaning service. It is sanitary malpractice."

  "Go to sleep," Kai ordered, sitting back down, exhausted. "Everyone. Just go to sleep before we accidentally summon something worse."

  The party settled down. The silence of the glitchy forest returned.

  "My Lord," Gideon whispered after a few minutes. "Look at the stars."

  Kai looked up. The "Stars" weren't stars.

  The developer hadn't rendered a star field. Instead, there was a single, glowing logo bouncing around the black screen of the sky. It read: [DVD VIDEO].

  It moved in a slow, diagonal line. It hit the left edge of the horizon, bounced, and traveled toward the top right.

  "It is the Eye of the Watcher," Gideon whispered reverently. "It searches for the wicked."

  "It’s... a moving picture, Gideon."

  "Look!" Gideon pointed. "It approaches the corner! The Prophecy says... if the spectral sigil hits the corner perfectly... the world shall be blessed with infinite mana."

  Kai watched. He couldn't help it. The logo was moving toward the exact corner of the skybox. It was getting closer. Closer.

  "Go, little spirit!" Gideon cheered softly. "Strike the corner!"

  It looked perfect. It was going to hit.

  At the last pixel, it bounced off the wall just slightly below the corner.

  "NO!" Gideon slammed his fist into the ground. "Accursed fate! Why must you mock us?!"

  "It never hits the corner," Kai muttered, closing his eyes. "That’s the torture. It never hits the corner."

  Kai drifted off to the sound of Gideon weeping softly over the geometry of the sky.

  He didn't know how long he slept.

  He woke up because his teeth were vibrating.

  It wasn't a sound. It was a deep, resonant hum that seemed to come from the core of the planet. The ground beneath him wasn't just hard anymore; it was trembling.

  "Earthquake?" Kai sat up, grabbing his staff.

  "My Lord?" Gideon was already awake. "The world... it shivers."

  The sky flashed red.

  The bouncing DVD logo vanished. In its place, massive, bold white text appeared, scrolling across the heavens like a news ticker of doom.

  [SYSTEM ANNOUNCEMENT] [Server Maintenance Scheduled in: 10:00 Minutes] [Please Log Out in a Safe Zone.]

  Kai stared at the sky.

  "Maintenance?" he whispered. "They're taking the server down?"

  "What does it mean?" Gideon asked. "Is it the End Times?"

  "It means," Kai said, scrambling to his feet, "that in ten minutes, this world is going to dissolve. And if we aren't in a Sanctuary..."

  He looked at the wireframe trees. He looked at the glitchy, collision-less ground.

  "We get wiped," Kai finished. "We need to find a Safe Zone. Now."

  "Clippy!" Kai screamed.

  The paperclip appeared, looking sleepy. "It looks like you're panicking! Would you like to write a Will?"

  "Where is the nearest Safe Zone?!"

  Clippy spun. "Calculating! Nearest Stable Data Sector is... The Temple of Terms & Conditions! It is 1 mile North!"

  "Run," Kai commanded.

  "But I haven't finished my rest!" Pigglesworth protested.

  "RUN!" Kai grabbed the Viscount by his collar and sprinted into the dark, vibrating forest.

  Above them, the sky began to count down.

  [09:59]

  "I hate Tuesdays," Kai yelled as he ran.

  ?? SERVER MAINTENANCE IMMINENT!

  Temple of Terms & Conditions).

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