For the rest of the trip back the following day, Lady Smythe was under a blanket on the back of one of the carts. It would seem that she overdid the alcohol a tad. She did attempt to drink a remedy… but these things only work if you don’t immediately throw them back up… so here we are.

  She was kind of okay by the time we got back to Kataravonia. Still clearly had a headache, but at least she was upright. As we entered the town, we bumped into Chloe. She mentioned that she had just seen Kiyui over by Madame Laurent’s. As I was about to leave to go and meet up with him, Lady Smythe beckoned me over.

  Smutisha: “Darling, take Thomas and Keith to the tailor to get suited up for me. Can’t have them looking so rough around the edges for the big event.”

  Dwynfel: “I don’t have the money on hand for that.”

  Smutisha: “Don’t worry, darling. I had everything ready and on standby before we left. Wanted to make sure everything was ready to go as soon as possible. Wedding is tomorrow at ten by the way. Bring those lovely kids of yours, and Damecus of course. We very much owe him for that little stunt back at the fort. Best get him a suit too.”

  She’s going to have everything ready to go by ten tomorrow? Why on earth was she so confident in this mission. What would she have done if it all went south? All the people who prepared this stuff would surely be out of pocket? Then again… knowing her she’d just think of some other reason to throw a party and just use the resources for that.

  Dwynfel: “That is very nice of you, my lady.”

  Smutisha: “Don’t be silly, darling. This wedding wouldn’t be happening without you. Oh! Your boys can lead me down the aisle throwing flowers, they’ll look adorable.”

  Dwynfel: “I’m sure Tadwick will love that… but I don’t think it would be wise for Alexi to come.”

  She gestured for me to come closer with her finger and she began speaking quieter.

  Smutisha: “Darling, if you are worried about the Anubis Empire finding him, then don’t panic. Their ambassador left Kataravonia recently, apparently his brother died, Peter or something. I met him once, shrewd businessman, but you wouldn’t let him babysit, if you catch my drift. Don’t think he'll be missed by many. Much like the ambassador himself. Not a pleasant family.”

  Dwynfel: “Lady Smythe… Alexi isn’t…”

  Smutisha: “Shh, shh, shh…”

  She placed her finger on my lips.

  Smutisha: “Shh. Don’t insult me by denying it, darling. There is only one place that boy could have come from, and he is infinitely better off for not being there now. Nobody likes those rat bastards, but even with our alliance with the Equines they are still be a force to be reckoned with.”

  I went to speak but she shushed me again.

  Smutisha: “Anybody asks… and I mean anybody, darling. He escaped whatever massacre happened to Peter…”

  Dwynfel: “Petri.”

  Smutisha: “Yes, that’s him. He ran after whatever happened there. You found him roaming the countryside. You have looked after him ever since. Rehearse the story with the boy, darling. If they discover his existence then we can skate around any accusations as long as you stick to that.”

  This reminds me of the lie that my parents rehearsed with me when I was a child. Back when my life was much less complicated.

  Dwynfel: “What if they try to take him back?”

  Smutisha: “Then we say he requested asylum… in those exact words, darling. If he requests asylum and we have evidence that he has previously been harmed, then the laws of this land mean that we are obligated to protect him. And when I was at your farm, I saw the boy’s arms. Those arms alone would count as evidence. I dread to think about the state of the rest of him.”

  Dwynfel: “When did you have time to think about all of this?”

  Smutisha: “Darling, this is my area. I spend my life dealing with this kind of thing. Don’t take me for some vapid socialite like Gentle. The second I saw the boy I knew exactly what must have happened, especially given Kiyui’s little liaison with Gustav’s butler on the balcony. So, bring the boy to the wedding, hiding him may postpone us having to deal with this, but hiding him also makes you seem guilty. Have him out in the open and in plain sight, then you can claim ignorance much easier.”

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  Okay… I do have to admit. I am actually pretty impressed with her. Is the whole flouncing deranged toff persona just that, a persona? She saw Alexi at the farm for less than five minutes and she put everything together in her head and also worked out how to protect him further down the line. All whilst plotting to form alliances. As well as plotting to shag a goblin… in fact, I’m pretty sure that was her main reason for this alliance.

  I mean… as far as coming up with reasons to justify her personal lust for something that others would consider abnormal, I’d say she has done an amazing job. Everybody will just think she is taking one for the team in order to maintain the alliance. Only people who have seen the other side of her will realise how into goblins she is.

  I suppose even the most well-intentioned people have their strange sides.

  Dwynfel: “Okay… I shall do… and thank you, Lady Smythe… for everything.”

  Smutisha: “No, no, darling. Thank you. Now, on your way with you. I need to get the invitations off to everyone and you need to make sure that my lovely groom is looking dapper for the morrow. Ta-ta.”

  Madame Laurent’s was near the Tailor’s, so I decided to pop along there to meet up with Kiyui. As we arrived, Kiyui was just leaving, so we sauntered on down to the tailor’s to get everyone measured. Thomas and Keith were measured quite quickly and their outfits required little alteration… similar to mine when I had needed one. Damecus however, he was taking a while. Keith had asked if there was a library nearby that they could go to while they wait, so Kiyui took Keith and Thomas to the town library while I stayed with Damecus.

  Thomas has been very quiet. I say that… with the exception of when he burst into that conversation about vaginas with me last night, he has been about as quiet as he normally is. He seems fractionally less nervous. But he still isn’t really opening up or talking to people. Maybe he only feels comfortable talking and being himself around goblins at the moment. Who knows. He certainly didn’t seem to be holding anything back when I spoke to him last night. Incidentally…

  Dwynfel: “Damecus?”

  Damecus was stood with his arms out in the middle of the room. Fortunately, this place has a high ceiling. The main tailor was trying to measure his chest, while he had one assistant trying and struggling to measure his arms, whilst a third was at the back of the room desperately trying to make a suit big enough for them to at least try on him. Damecus was decidedly unimpressed.

  Damecus: “What?”

  Dwynfel: “Have you ever seen a butterfly pea flower?”

  Damecus: “Ah, Clitoria Turnatea. Need a good eye to spot those. A lot of people seem to miss them. But if you know what you are looking for then they are simple to find.”

  I know he is a botanist, but he really doesn’t need to always use the proper scientific name for things. It just results in me never being sure what he’s talking about.

  Dwynfel: “And… have you found many?”

  Damecus: “Oh I’ve seen a good few in my time. If you know what to do with them you can work wonders.”

  Dwynfel: “What do you mean?”

  Damecus: “I mean that you can use them to make tea.”

  Dwynfel: “Oh… what does that taste like?”

  Damecus: “Like a rather fine green tea, only a bit more earthy. The bonobos used to drink it a lot. Said it was good for their hair and skin. Why the sudden interest in flowers?”

  Dwynfel: “No reason… I just heard they were pretty.”

  Tailor: “Excuse me, sir. I need to measure the base of your tail.”

  The tailor moved round the back of Damecus and began wrapping the measuring tape around Damecus’ tail.

  Damecus: “Is this really necessary?”

  Tailor: “I’m afraid so, sir. If I don’t have your tail measured properly then the gap in your trousers may rip, or worse yet, if it is too loose then people may see more than they bargained for.”

  Damecus: “I care not if they see more than they bargained for. This is a wedding is it not? I fail to see why clothes are required at all. Unless this wedding is occurring somewhere particularly cold.”

  Dwynfel: “Humans like clothes, Damecus. They are very much a status symbol. Plus, nudity makes a lot of them uncomfortable.”

  Damecus: “Why? They are just bodies.”

  Dwynfel: “Look, some parts of the body are best kept covered, okay.”

  Damecus: “Hmph, ridiculous culture.”

  Dwynfel: “Just be glad you got an invite. This means you’ve earned the favour of some well-off people. Who knows where this could lead.”

  Damecus: “As it stands, it leads to a pretentious house full of people that I do not care for. The food better be good.”