Well now, why is he so keen to catch up to us?

  Dwynfel: “Hello would have sufficed.”

  Agaroth: “Aye, whatever. Why are you fucks always such a ball ache tae track down. Went to your house yesterday and find out you’re still away tryin’ tae help that posh bint tae get fucked. A find out you’re in town today doing some babysitting at the tailor’s. I show up and of course, you fucks have already moved on. So, I end up havin’ tae chase after ya, fuck’s sake.”

  Dwynfel: “I do apologise that we don’t spend our lives sat at home just on the off chance that you might show up.”

  Agaroth: “Apology accepted.”

  Dwynfel: “That wasn’t a genuine apology.”

  Agaroth: “I don’t fuckin’ care.”

  Kiyui: “Agaroth, why were you looking for us?”

  Agaroth: “Oh, I’m not after you two. I’m here for him.”

  He pointed straight at Damecus. Damecus just looked back at him with a look of confusion.

  Damecus: “For what purpose?”

  Agaroth: “I’ll tell ya when we get to the house, I’m fuckin’ gaspin’ here.”

  Damecus: “The horse was the one putting in the effort, not you.”

  Agaroth: “Aye, but ridin’ at that speed, all that bouncing,’ does my fuckin’ nuts in.”

  Thomas and Keith just stood there. They were even more confused than Damecus. Agaroth looked at them.

  Agaroth: “N’ what the fuck’s goin’ on here? Did ya manage tae swing two a the wee bastards for her? Lassie must love a spit roast.”

  Dwynfel: “What on earth are you talking about?”

  Kiyui: “Well, a spit roast is when…”

  Dwynfel: “It’s a method for cooking a boar… I know… how is that relevant?”

  Kiyui laughed, although I’m not sure why. He then turned back to Agaroth.

  Kiyui: “Only one of them is going to marry Smutty. The other is the witness for the bedding ceremony.”

  Agaroth: “Ah, right, okay. So, which a you two is about tae fuck the posh bird?”

  Thomas and Keith looked at each other nervously before Thomas slowly raised his hand.

  Agaroth: “Hang on, married? When?”

  Dwynfel: “Tomorrow.”

  Agaroth: “Then why the fuck are you headin’ tae the farm? The night is young, get your arses back tae town!”

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  Dwynfel: “What? Why?”

  Agaroth: “It’s the lad’s last night a freedom. We gotta have some fun!”

  I dread to think what kind of fun he has in mind.

  Thomas: “What does he mean, last night of freedom?”

  Kiyui: “Nothing sinister. He just means that after tomorrow you won’t be sleeping with anybody but your wife. Well, theoretically anyway. I worked as a prostitute, and half of my clientele were married.”

  Agaroth: “Look. Ya gottae have a stag do before the wedding.”

  Dwynfel: “What exactly is a stag do?”

  Agaroth: “Ya go out wi’ a few mates. Ya get pissed, see some tits, maybe a few cunts. Fuckin’ enjoy yourselves.”

  Dwynfel: “I don’t think we should be encouraging him to have sex with other people the night before his wedding.”

  Agaroth: “A did nae say he needed tae stick his dick in anybody, now did a? Ain’t no harm in lookin’…”

  He turned to Thomas.

  Agaroth: “Get your shit together boyo, we’re headin’ back tae town!”

  Damecus: “I thought that you wished to discuss something with me.”

  Agaroth: “You’re comin’ too. Y’all are. We can chat just as easily at the whoor house. Now get a move on, the lot a ya.”

  He pointed at Thomas.

  Agaroth: “Unless a course you’d rather spend the night on a borin’ farm wi’ these ugly fucks.”

  Kiyui: “Excuse me?”

  Agaroth: “Sorry… wi’ these ugly fucks and one highly attractive wee poof.”

  Kiyui: “Better.”

  Thomas looked like he was trying to conceal his excitement at the idea… he was not doing as well as he thought he was.

  Thomas: “Umm… it could be fun.”

  Dwynfel: “Well I am saying this now… I think this is a bad idea.”

  Agaroth: “Shut the fuck up. The lad has spoken, so off we fuckin’ go!”

  Kiyui: “I’m not coming.”

  Agaroth: “Fair enough. S’pose tits in’t really your cup a tea.”

  Dwynfel: “What?”

  Kiyui: “I’m going to take all the suits back to the farm so they don’t get ruined. I’ll send Nomius along to meet you there.”

  Dwynfel: “Why?

  Kiyui: “Because he’s never had a night out since he got here. He's always too busy with the kids. If I take over with them, then he can have some him time. Plus, ya know… remember the plan, Dwyn.”

  Kiyui grabbed the suits off Damecus and ran off towards the farm with a big smile on his face.

  Damecus: “Of what plan does he speak?”

  Dwynfel: “Trust me… you don’t want to know.”