Well now, I feel like I’m going to need to add this to the list of places that I would prefer to avoid at all costs. Not because of the kids… I’m happy for them to be themselves… but you know… the naked people.

  When we were travelling back here from Damecus’ continent, I was looking forward to getting back to civilisation… to a place where everybody keeps their damn clothes on, and I don’t end up feeling insecure because everywhere I look there is either a huge penis making me feel inadequate or a beautiful woman making me feel uncomfortable. Now, it seems as though I have dragged this ridiculously stressful nudist attitude over to this city… and I cannot stress to you enough how much I wish I hadn’t.

  Anyway… I feel we have got rather sidetracked. I’m clearly not going to change his opinion here, so probably best we backtrack a bit.

  Dwynfel: “Moving on… you said you were getting married for the child… what did you mean?”

  Damecus: “Cathy and I… we may have entered into this relationship to get free housing for her and her child. But in doing so, we became a family. That child became my daughter and for the last four years, let us simply say, she has grown on me.”

  Well, that is to be expected… Tadwick, Alexi and Svampe have grown on me massively… so I see where he’s coming from.

  Dwynfel: “But how does marriage benefit her?”

  Damecus: “Because humans are fragile. They have these… tiny little lives…”

  If he thinks humans have short lifespans then what must he think of goblins…

  Damecus: “Cathy is not going to live forever… and Verity… Verity will outlast her. When she loses her mother, she will need somebody with her who knows her, who understands her, who is strong enough to weather being bitten and clawed, who can maintain her lifestyle and routine until she herself is no longer of this world.”

  He looked up at her and I could see the smallest of smiles appear on his face. He cares about her a lot more than he lets on.

  Damecus: “Her mother may die in thirty to forty years. Verity could live for another sixty or seventy. Barring a fatal injury, I shall be around for another two hundred or so years. I can be here for her, for the rest of her life. I can make sure that her life causes her as little distress as possible. Getting married makes me her legal guardian. It means that nobody can take her from me in the event of Cathy’s demise. It ensures that I can keep her safe, for as long as she needs.”

  Wow… that… that is… just… I guess I never thought about that. My life span is pathetically short… I will probably die by the time Tadwick reaches his thirties. But my boys are different. They are growing up… all three of them should be able to lead independent lives when they are adults. I guess I never thought about children like Verity and Jonty. I know Verity is a bit more extreme than Jonty… but Jonty wouldn’t survive on his own either… he thrives because he has so much support around him.

  If either Verity or Jonty lost the support that they have, then their lives would likely be over. They would be completely reliant on some kind hearted person taking them on. And people may be willing to do that for a small child. But when it is a grown adult… if Verity still loses it the way she does now… biting and clawing people when she’s in distress… then nobody is going to tolerate that from an adult… she’d end up in prison, or an asylum. Which is a horrible thought.

  Damecus is willing to give up the next seventy years of his life to make sure that that doesn’t happen. Both him and Nomius… they really do go above and beyond for others.

  It makes me really feel horrid for all the time that I spent thinking lizardmen were these vile imperialistic creatures’ intent on murder and pillage. I fear there may need to be some corrections made to Griffith’s Monster Almanac.

  Damecus: “So, Agaroth is welcome to court Cathy. Having somebody who can make Cathy happy is important to me. Our relationship has never been of a sexual nature and women have needs. She is welcome to meet those needs where she wishes. Although, based on the previous wedding that I attended, I believe that we may need to partake in such activities on the wedding night.”

  Dwynfel: “Oh… oh no… you don’t have to. The bedding ceremony is only for political marriages to make sure that they can’t be annulled later.”

  Damecus: “Annulled?”

  Does he not know what annulled means? Maybe the concept of annulment doesn’t exist to the lizard folk.

  Dwynfel: “Annulled… as in the marriage is erased.”

  Damecus: “How can one erase a marriage? Surely the purpose of the ceremony is to tie two people together for an eternity? How can such a bond be erased?”

  Dwynfel: “Well… in our culture there are various reasons why a marriage may be erased. Such as; if the wedding isn’t conducted by a proper official, or if the people getting married are closely related… or lack of consummation.”

  Damecus: “I am required to consume her?”

  Sometimes I forget how different our cultures are. This stuff is common knowledge around here. I forget that he may not know of them.

  Dwynfel: “Not in the eating sense. In a sexual way. If the couple have not had sex, then it can be argued that the couple are not meeting all of each other’s marital needs. It could also be annulled if it transpired that you had already married another member of her family… such as her mother. It could also be annulled if it was proven that you forced her into it.”

  Damecus: “I have never married before and she agrees that this is the best path forward for her daughter. But people could still annul the marriage if it has not been… consummated… as you put it.”

  Dwynfel: “Technically, yes.”

  Damecus: “But if we do consummate the marriage then that cannot be done? Correct?”

  Dwynfel: “Well, yes, technically… but you don’t need to… I’m sure nobody would try to…”

  Damecus: “You have given me much to consider.”

  Kiyui: “Hey! You guys! Cathy says food is ready!”

  I turned to see Kiyui walking towards us in the distance.

  Damecus: “Understood!”

  Damecus started walking up the tree towards Verity.

  Damecus: “Saw you admiring the tree before. Great isn’t it. Its Verity’s favourite thing to climb. It is over twenty metres tall and is the only oak tree left in the area.”

  Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  Dwynfel: “That can’t be true.”

  Damecus: “I can assure you; it is.”

  He reached the branch that Verity was on, he turned to face the ground. But remained level with the branch.

  Damecus: “Verity… dinner.”

  Verity turned. She walked to Damecus and sat on his back as he slowly started to walk back down the tree.

  Damecus: “The humans round here seem to have a peculiar yearning for oak furniture. Most of the furnishings in the richer part of town are made from oak. To meet this need they cut down almost every single oak tree that was even remotely nearby. Rather unfortunately, they didn’t think to plant any new ones when they did so. Which is why this tree is protected.”

  He stopped just before reaching the ground and Verity jumped off his back and started running towards the cottage. Damecus then stood back up.

  Damecus: “I have been planting fresh ones throughout the garden, but they will not be of a significant size in your lifetime I am afraid. The humans in these parts need to learn to respect the nature around them. They almost wiped out this genus of tree through their reckless greed.”

  Kiyui: “Sounds like you guys have been having a riveting conversation.”

  Dwynfel: “It has certainly been… enlightening.”

  Damecus: “I shall bid you goodbye at this point. Dinnertime in our home can get… messy. We shall have to unite again properly at a later date. Farewell.”

  He walked off towards the cottage as Agaroth left. Agaroth walked past Damecus and they both nodded at each other with a level of reverence. Then Agaroth looked at Kiyui, smirked, gave him a thumbs up, then left the garden via the nearest exit.

  Dwynfel: “I thought he would have come over to tell us how it went.”

  Kiyui: “Nah, he clearly doesn’t want us asking him any embarrassing questions. Seems like it went well though.”

  While we were distracted by watching Agaroth attempt to make a swift exit Damecus was suddenly tackled to the ground.

  Dietrich: “Thought you could sneak back here without me finding out, did you?”

  The two of them rolled around on the ground. There was a tornado of limbs, Damecus’ tail was thrashing and slamming off the ground as they repeatedly tried to pin each other down.

  Damecus: “You have grown complacent in my absence.”

  Dietrich: “Ha! If I’m complacent and I’m beating your arse, then what does that make you?!”

  Kiyui: “Bet you the cost of lunch that she wins this time.”

  Dwynfel: “That makes no sense… we share all our money… neither of us would gain or lose anything from that.”

  Kiyui: “I could bet you something else… but I wouldn’t want you to get all flustered in front of a child.”

  Tadwick: “Uh… what, what, what? Tell me!”

  Kiyui looked at me, winked and stuck out his tongue… and yeah… no… I’m not getting drawn into another situation where I end up chronically embarrassed… I’m done.

  Dwynfel: “Stay here and watch them if you wish… I’m going to the café.”

  I turned and walked off in the direction of the wonderfully smelling food. Kiyui and Tadwick hesitated for a second and then went to follow me.

  Kiyui: “Aww, you’re no fun sometimes.”

  We actually had a wonderfully pleasant meal at the café. The view across the gardens was breath taking. The tea that they served was a sweet herbal tea that I had never tried before but it was genuinely divine.

  The meal itself was just deliciously simple. I just had a bacon and brie sandwich… but it came with this cranberry sauce that they make here that was just absolutely mouthwatering. Tadwick had a jacket potato with roasted beans in a tomato sauce… all grown in the gardens… and the potato was absolutely huge. Not that that stopped Tadwick… he seems to put away food at a ridiculous rate these days… then again… growing boy an’ all that. Kiyui had a chicken and bacon salad with a sweet chilli dressing made with chillis that Damecus grows here.

  Honestly…I do love the food at this café... if I could justify the expense I would definitely come here more often. Then again… if Damecus has indeed made this a clothing optional location, then I think I shall refrain from coming here in hot weather. That shit would really put me off my food. Luckily the true heat of summer has yet to strike.

  You know, I think Kiyui was right to make us come here. After what happened, I think we did need reminding that there are a lot of good, wonderful, and beautiful things in life. Horrible, horrific, horrendous things happen… but we shouldn’t let them rule our minds. We need to take time to appreciate the best things around us. And not just the lovely food and the beautiful scenery. I know Kiyui didn’t plan this part… but hearing Damecus talk about his dedication to Verity… there was beauty in that… it has reminded me that life may have its fair share of awful, despair inducing things… but there are also amazing things that fill me with hope.

  I couldn’t help but think about this for the rest of the day. When we got home, Nomius told us that Grant’s family were in a bad way. Which was to be expected, but still… I hope that they’ll be alright. Grant had trouble letting go of Alexi apparently, and when he did, he clung onto his mum even harder. I really hope that he’s going to be okay.

  As I lay in bed that night… I couldn’t fall asleep. Kiyui had gone upstairs to stay in Tadwick’s room. He went up there from the get go… we figured that after what had happened with the crocodile, it would be best to stay close to him for a few days. My mind kept flicking between being depressed and sickened by everything that had transpired and trying to think of all the beautiful things in life that I still have.

  My mind was consumed by how Grant and Oscar’s families were going to have to try to move forward… by how I almost lost Tadwick… what the hell would I have done if I had lost Tadwick? Then I would be thinking about the fact that I hadn’t lost Tadwick… I still have three boys… well… two boys and a grown man. I still have my family… we can do what we can to help Grant and Oscar’s families. There is still good and there is still beauty in this world.

  I just kept flicking between depressed and optimistic again and again and again… until eventually, I noticed a light in the barn. There shouldn’t be a light in the barn at this time of night. Why would anybody be in there at this time of night? Nomius moved out of the barn two years ago… and none of the animals are in there at this time of year… so why is there a light in there?

  I popped on my nightshirt and went to investigate. The night sky was truly beautiful. Not a cloud in the sky… you could see the stars perfectly. Maybe I should come outside at night more often. Just looking up at the stars is quite peaceful… especially on such a serene evening. I think I’ll start doing this on evenings when I can’t sleep. Anyway… the barn… yes… the barn.

  I opened the barn doors to see a candle in the middle of the barn. Why is there a candle in the middle of the barn. I could hear wood creaking, so I looked up and… oh gods… oh gods… no, no, no, no, no.

  I ran to the side of the room and grabbed one of the sickles and threw it upwards towards the wooded beam, severing the rope. The sound of rope rubbing against wood was deafening as the body fell to the ground.

  I rushed over and removed the rope from around Svampe’s neck. He coughed and spluttered and I cradled his head.

  Dwynfel: “I’ve got you… you’re gonna be alright… I’ve got you, you’re okay…”

  Svampe: (coughing) “No… no… I’m not… you don’t understand… I’ve tried so many times… nothing works… nothing ever works!”

  Obviously the heights are wrong. You have no idea how many times I tried to correct that. But Damecus should be a good 3ft taller than Cathy. AI image creation frustrates me to no end.