I’m a terrible person… I’m a terrible parent… gods… how did I miss this… how the fuck did I miss this? How didn’t I see that he was feeling like this? How didn’t I pick up on this? I thought he was doing better… I thought he was improving… fuck… fuck… what do I do? I don’t know what to do? I’ve never known what to do… gods… fuck… how do I help him?

  I wanted to get to the bottom of this… I wanted to find out why… I wanted to ask him so many questions. But he was in no state to have a coherent conversation, let alone answer any questions. So, I took him to his room. I lay on the bed with him and stayed with him all night. He cuddled into me and just cried. It wasn’t the most practical of things… he's twice my size… but in that moment… he needed me.

  He wasn’t the only one crying. I tried to be strong for him… but I just couldn’t. We both lay there… sobbing. You’d think that we wouldn’t be able to sleep in a situation like that. I have trouble sleeping at the best of times. But the situation was so emotionally draining. I don’t remember exactly when we fell asleep, but the sun hadn’t started to rise yet.

  It was Agaroth bounding through the front door that eventually woke me up. Svampe was still flat out, so I went down to the kitchen to see what he wanted, fill people in on what had happened, and hopefully get some help with what to do.

  The boys were finishing their breakfast and Kiyui was making some tea for Agaroth.

  Tadwick: “Dad, what’s a knob-goblin?”

  Kiyui burst out laughing and Agaroth pointed at me.

  Agaroth: “He is.”

  Kiyui: “Ha, knob-goblin, I’m stealing that one.”

  Dwynfel: “Oh ha-bloody-ha. You mean a hobgoblin, Tadwick.”

  Tadwick: “Right… umm… a hobgoblin… Grant said there was a warning poster that a knob… hobgoblin was hanging around the farms.”

  Dwynfel: “A hobgoblin is just a big goblin. Any goblin over five foot is referred to as a hob. They are the size of small men rather than big children. There are very rare though. Goblins rarely grow taller than four foot.”

  Tadwick: “Are they dangerous?”

  Dwynfel: “Alone… not so much… but it is probably scouting for a nest somewhere. We’ll have to let Nomius know to place some traps and keep an eye out. If there is one nearby, I’m sure he’ll sort it. But I wouldn’t worry too much. There are always posters like that. People see shadows in the night and panic… next thing you know the town is covered in posters about one thing or another. If there were goblins that close, then there would probably be much larger signs.”

  Nomius is pretty good at keeping the area around the farm safe. The number of wild beasts that he has found and killed just because they were sniffing around the grounds is genuinely astonishing. I’ll mention it to him, just to be safe.

  Dwynfel: “Anyway… I need to…”

  Tadwick: “Hang on, Dad. Yesterday… right… Johnny was saying that there’s a monster in the sewers. An adventurer went to kill it and it was so scary that when he saw it, he went mad and ate his own head!”

  Dwynfel: “What? No… that’s not…”

  Agaroth: “Oh aye, that’s true. I knew the guy. So best stay away from the sewers, alright.”

  Tadwick gave a terrified nod and Alexi just continued eating his breakfast, completely unfazed.

  Dwynfel: “Boys… why don’t you go and tell Nomius about the hobgoblin? And while you’re there, give him a hand with his jobs today. He may need some extra help after that head injury.”

  Tadwick: “But… I’ve already got loads of things to do, and I was hurt by that crocodile too.”

  Dwynfel: “Your wounds have been healed, like mine.”

  Tadwick: “So have his.”

  Dwynfel: “Open wounds are much easier to heal that head injuries. He may still struggle with some things.”

  Tadwick: “Urgh… can I do my jobs first?”

  Dwynfel: “Fine… but could you start quickly?”

  Tadwick: “I still have my toast.”

  Dwynfel: “Take it with you, please… I need to speak to Agaroth and Kiyui.”

  Tadwick: “Then talk to them. I’m not stopping you.”

  Dwynfel: “It is about things that do not concern you.”

  Tadwick: “Uh… fine.”

  Tadwick climbed out of his seat, picked up his toast, took a bite and went to leave. Alexi stood up and bowed.

  Alexi: “I shall assist Nomius immediately.”

  Tadwick: “Suck up.”

  Kiyui: “Hey!”

  Tadwick: “Sorry.”

  As Tadwick opened the door, Agaroth pulled a bag of gold out of his pocked.

  Agaroth: “Almost forgot. Ginge!”

  Tadwick turned and Agaroth threw one of the gold coins at him.

  Agaroth: “For the croc.”

  A huge smile spread across Tadwick’s face. He thrust the coin in Alexi’s face and tried to talk through a mouthful of toast.

  Tadwick: “Look!”

  Alexi: “Congratulations. What do you intend to spend it on?”

  Tadwick: “Dunno… but summin cool!”

  Tadwick bounded out of the kitchen, glaring at his gold coin. Swiftly followed by Alexi.

  Dwynfel: “Did you just come here to wind him up?”

  Agaroth: “What? He killed one a the crocs, didn’t he? Did more than you did by all accounts.”

  Dwynfel: “I found the nest, didn’t I.”

  Agaroth: “No. Farrow found the nest. You got fuckin’ dragged to it.”

  Dwynfel: “And why’d you tell him that that stupid head eating story was true?”

  Agaroth: “Bit a mystery’s fun for kids. An’ he wonnae be goin’ down the sewers now, will he? Don’t be so fuckin’ miserable.”

  Dwynfel: “Just… why are you here?”

  He threw the bag of gold onto the table.

  Agaroth: “Bringin’ you two your share of the reward.”

  I picked up the bag… it felt rather light for two of us. Maybe this is just mine. He probably gave Kiyui his before.

  Agaroth: “Your probably wonderin’ why it feels a wee bit light.”

  Dwynfel: “The thought had crossed my mind.”

  Agaroth: “We all met up this mornin.’ Decided tae pay for the funerals a the wee boy and that camping guy. We all know that lad’s family’s skint n’ that bloke did die tryin’ tae save the bairns, so… well… least we could do, innit?”

  Dwynfel: “That is… uncharacteristically charitable of you.”

  Kiyui: “No it isn’t, he’s a teddy bear.”

  Whilst I acknowledge Agaroth is actually much more kind-hearted than he likes people to believe… I need to steer this conversation towards Svampe.

  Dwynfel: “Look… I need to talk to you guys about something…”

  Agaroth: “First, why the fuck are you wearin’ a nighty? Ya look like a right tit. It’s no winter ya know, why don’t ya sleep in the nuddy, like a normal person?”

  Dwynfel: “There is nothing wrong with my nightshirt… and for your information… I was sleeping naked… but I had to go and investigate something… and I would rather not risk confrontation with my genitals on display.”

  Agaroth: “Fuckin’ poor choice that.”

  The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  Dwynfel: “What?”

  Agaroth: “Think aboot it. If your robbin’ someone’s shit and you turn around tae see some tit in a nightdress, ya aren’t gonnae be terrified are ya? But if ya turn round tae see some crazed nutter wi’ his cock out and a big fuckin’ stick… that’s gonnae have an effect.”

  This man is insane.

  Dwynfel: “Whatever, look… can I say what I need to say now, please?”

  Kiyui: “Oh, wait a minute. How did it go with Cathy? Tell me everything.”

  Agaroth: “Right… well…”

  Dwynfel: “No… stop! Sorry… I don’t mean to spoil the fun here… but I really need to talk to you guys… now!”

  Agaroth and Kiyui looked at each other, then back at me with a look of perplexity.

  Kiyui: “What’s wrong, Dwyn?”

  Dwynfel: “Before I say this… I need you to know… he is physically fine… so please… when I say this… Kiyui… please do not panic.”

  Kiyui: “Who’s physically fine? Why would I panic? What’s happened?”

  Dwynfel: “Promise me, that you won’t panic.”

  Kiyui: “I’m not promising anything. Tell me what happened… now!”

  Dwynfel: “Last night… umm… in the barn…”

  Shit… I can’t say it… I can’t physically say it… I feel sick… I want to throw up… oh gods…

  Agaroth: “Spit it out.”

  Kiyui: “Dwyn…”

  Kiyui placed his hand on my shoulder.

  Kiyui: “…we can’t help if we don’t know what the problem is. Speak to us.”

  Dwynfel: “Svampe… I found him… well… umm…”

  Agaroth: “Well? Was he fuckin’ the horses or sumin? Just spit it out.”

  Dwynfel: “He… he’d hung himself… I found him swinging from a noose in the barn.”

  Kiyui instantly ran up the stairs. I didn’t even have time to see his face to gauge his reaction. He was just gone. I instantly ran after him.

  Dwynfel: “Kiyui… wait… he’s still asleep… Kiyui!”

  I arrived at Svampe’s bedroom to find that he had been woken up by Kiyui checking his throat.

  Svampe: “Stop… I’m fine.”

  Kiyui: “No, you aren’t. You are clearly not fine. Why would you do that?! Why wouldn’t you talk to us?! We care about you. We love you. We can’t help if you don’t talk to us!”

  Dwynfel: “Kiyui… calm down. Bombarding him with questions isn’t going to help.”

  Kiyui: “Calm down?! He could have died! He could have died if you hadn’t found him! Then he wouldn’t be here! He’s our family, Dwyn! He’s our family and he could have… he could have…”

  Kiyui burst into tears. Svampe looked… ashamed. I really don’t think this is helping. I’ve made this worse… I knew I’d make this worse. Agaroth came into the room and grabbed Kiyui.

  Agaroth: “You, outside. Ya no helpin’ the lad.”

  Kiyui tried to object, but he couldn’t speak… there was a series of noises as he tried to… but it was garbled and incomprehensible. At which point I think he realised that he needed to compose himself and he walked out of the room with Agaroth. Before closing the door Agaroth leaned back in.

  Agaroth: “You two. Try tae talk. We’ll be back when he chills the fuck out.”

  I sat down at the bottom of the bed and looked over at Svampe. He was curled up in the corner of the bed, trying to avoid eye contact.

  Dwynfel: “Svampe… please… please don’t feel ashamed… or embarrassed. Please… that wasn’t Kiyui’s intention. He just… got a shock and didn’t react well.”

  Svampe: “I’ve ruined everything.”

  Dwynfel: “No, you haven’t.

  Svampe: “Yes, I have. You guys… you guys were finally happy… you were going back to questing… Tad and Lex were going on trips out. Everybody was moving forward. And I’ve gone and ruined it.”

  Dwynfel: “Stop saying that… please. You haven’t, you haven’t ruined anything. We would never have got back into the adventuring if we knew you were feeling like this. We want to be here for you. We want to help you.”

  He thought we were happy… he thought we were leaving him behind… this is my fault. I shouldn’t have suggested getting back into the adventuring… I should have just left things as they were. I should have stayed on the farm. Fuck… I caused this… this is all my fault.

  Svampe: “It isn’t your place to help me. I’m a… I was a prince… I was a prince of an entire kingdom. I should not be burdening others with my problems.”

  Dwynfel: “Never think like that, Svampe. Even royalty need help. Nobody should be afraid to ask for support. Especially when things are as bad as they must have been last night.”

  Svampe looked down. Something about this isn’t right… he’s hiding something… he is purposely not saying something. What did he say last night? “I’ve tried so many times… nothing works?” Oh gods… please no.

  Dwynfel: “Svampe… this… is this the first time that you have tried something like this?”

  Svampe shook his head. Tears started to well in his eyes.

  Dwynfel: “When… when did this start?”

  Svampe: “The first time I tried… was about a month ago.”

  Fuck… fuck, fuck, fuck this has been going on for a month and I didn’t fucking notice… how didn’t I notice? I’ve been preoccupied with the other two… I always thought because he was older, he needed less attention… fuck… I should have paid more attention to him… I should have realised.

  Dwynfel: “How many times have you tried?”

  Svampe: “Six.”

  Oh gods… six… it took six times before I noticed.

  Dwynfel: “When you said… “nothing works,” what did you mean?”

  Svampe: “I meant, nothing works. Every time I tried; I tried doing it differently. The first time I was in the bath. I tried to drown myself… but my body wouldn’t let me… I just vomited the water back up. I tried slicing my wrists open… but they just healed. I smashed my head of a stone… so many times… the blood was pouring down my face… my skull was crushed… but it just healed. I jumped off the roof… I healed again. I ate all of Indira’s rat poison… it didn’t even affect me. I tried to cut off my tendrils… they just grew back. Every time… no matter what I do… I just heal. My body won’t let me die.”

  The tears that were welling up in his face started to flow again. He looked at me… made eye contact with me… I could see such pain… such deep-rooted pain in his eyes.

  Svampe: “I just… I just want to be gone.”

  I can’t… I don’t… what do I say… I don’t know what to say… I don’t know what to do… how do I fix this? How the fuck do I help him?

  Dwynfel: “Why a month ago? I thought things were going well. What happened a month ago?”

  Svampe: “I started… I started to remember.”

  Dwynfel: “Flora said you wouldn’t remember.”

  Svampe: “That first night… I… I remember that first night. The night that… the night that I changed. After I came out of that… cocoon… everything was a blur… in my head… I went to sleep… then I emerged from a cocoon. I only knew what you guys told me. What you said, it terrified me… what I look like… terrified me… it filled me with shame. But I still couldn’t remember.”

  He brushed the tears from his cheeks and sat up.

  Svampe: “You were right when you thought things were getting better. I was starting to put it behind me. There were times when I felt genuinely happy. But then… a couple of months ago… the dreams started. Flashes at first… small pieces here and there. But, over time I started to put it together. It wasn’t long before I could remember the whole night. And now… not matter how much I try… I can’t get it out of my head. It sickens me… it fills me with loathing and disgust… and the feelings don’t go away… they just sit there… festering inside me… and I can’t escape them… this body… this disgusting body of mine… it won’t even let me die… I can’t even kill myself to end this.”

  Dwynfel: “That’s… I don’t even know what to say Svampe… I am so… so… so… sorry.”

  Fuck… I’m crying too much… it’s making it difficult to speak. Gods… I need to be strong right now… he needs me right now… stop fucking crying… cry later… I can cry after I’ve left the room… not now… not now… later… not now.

  Dwynfel: “I know this may be difficult. But talking about it with somebody… out loud… it might help. I have done things in my past… that I am not proud of. I’ve done horrible things… talking to Kiyui about them… it really helped me. Keeping this to yourself… not talking about it for so long… has caused it to eat away at you. I promise you this, Svampe. No matter what you say to me… no matter what happened. I will not judge you… it will not change my opinion of you… and it will not stop me loving you.”

  He should have significant scarring from his hands and up his arms. But again... AI sucks with scars.

  He uses his facial hair to hide his chin scar.