I returned to the Bloodhound, tired from the fiasco I had just endured. I wasn’t prepared for the horde of spiders I encountered, and I sure wasn’t prepared to fight another boss, but I was beginning to realize that I needed to expect the unexpected if I was gonna stay alive in this dimension.

  I sat on the edge of my bed, hands shaking, sweat soaking through my uniform. I needed a shower and sleep, but mostly, I needed to be sure I didn’t put myself or my friends in a position to fail again. My planet’s continued existence depended on a human succeeding in this dungeon. I didn’t want to believe I was the only hope Earth had left, but I wasn’t even sure how many other humans entered the dungeon. I was hoping to get a better feel for how many allies I had once I made it to the Red Moon of Alcara. Hopefully, before the dungeon started, I would have time to do some recon and see if I could gather more allies from Earth.

  For now, I would focus on getting stronger and ensuring I kept Tiff and CJ alive. That started with rescuing Tiff’s true body. Hopefully, after that, she would stick around and see this whole thing through until the end. I knew that once she had control of her true body, she wouldn’t be stuck with me anymore, but I was hoping that she would want to stay and fight. Right now, I was sure of one thing: I needed sleep before I would be useful to anyone.

  CJ sat on the bridge, continuing to grind away at his station. Elvis created a very intuitive interface that allowed CJ to control the drop suit, almost like he was inside of it. I had been doing all the fighting to this point, but hopefully, CJ would be able to contribute soon. The thought of having someone to back me up was definitely a boost to my confidence. Doing this alone would be hard, but doing this with my best friend covering my six might be a little easier. CJ had been a good friend since the drop, and real friends were hard to come by. Most people stayed close to family and friends they had since before the drop, but that wasn’t an option for CJ.

  CJ had made his way to South Town out of necessity. He was in sales before the drop and lived near Houston like me. After the drop, everything went to shit. In the first months after the drop, CJ had survived on his own and accidentally stumbled across South Town about six months afterward. The town was nice enough; it provided a sense of security, and CJ felt useful. He contributed like everyone else and even created a home for himself. Everyone liked CJ, and he was a people person at heart. He never met a person he didn’t like. I, on the other hand, never really allowed myself to be fully integrated into the town. I would help with projects and was friendly enough to everyone, but I kept to myself most of the time. Hell, I even lived outside town near the river, which, in hindsight, was pretty dangerous.

  Eventually, CJ and I started working on projects together. I was an engineer before the drop. Everyone assumed that made me a super genius, but the reality was much less glamorous. I spent most of my time reviewing building plans and ensuring there were no construction issues. I didn’t have enough tenure to be on any of the design and implementation teams, so I was stuck with the jobs none of the veterans wanted. Luckily for me, after the drop, I got the chance to do some actual engineering. There were plenty of people in the settlement with construction backgrounds. Most people were good with their hands, and I was no exception. When the settlement needed to expand, they tasked me with building and maintaining a gristmill, basically a water wheel that would grind grain into flour. CJ and I spent about half a year on that project and had more fun than we probably should have. The more time we spent together, the more we just seemed to fit together. Before long, we were inseparable and became best friends in a world where true friends were a valuable resource.

  Now CJ had a chance to help me, and he was determined to have my back when I might be in danger. On the other hand, Tiff was a question mark; CJ wasn’t sure about her motives. He knew she had been forced to be a guardian and, so far, she had been nothing but helpful. With that being said, CJ was sure she was hiding something. I seemed to like her, though, so CJ voiced his concerns and left it alone; he trusted me to make the right call.

  CJ walked into my quarters wearing his usual goofy smile, “Hey bro, you good?”

  “Yeah, man, I need some sleep is all. Other than that, I’m as good as can be expected,” I shrugged.

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  CJ walked over and sat down in a chair, spinning to face me on the bed. “That was pretty intense back there, Andy. I will be ready to help on the next one; you don’t have to do this alone, man.”

  I nodded my head but didn’t look up. “This is all spiraling out of control, CJ. A little over a week ago, we were on Earth, and now we are flying around in a damn spaceship that sings with a super advanced AI guardian.”

  “But hey, she do have a fat ass though!” CJ laughed and bounced in his chair, putting a hand out and nudging my shoulder. I knew what this was. CJ used humor to cope with tense situations and he was worried about me right now.

  “What the hell, CJ? She’s not even human,” I blushed, trying to play off his joke.

  “Look, Andy, I have been on your case forever about finding a girl, and you just wouldn’t pursue it. I don’t know why. I’m not sure if there was a messy relationship in your past or if you were just scared to have someone else to worry about, but you just shut it down cold. So now, the universe drops a super-hot AI right in your lap; it couldn’t be any easier!” CJ stood up and came to sit on the end of the bed. “On top of that, now you’re going to rescue her! That has to give you some brownie points, right?”

  I shuffled uncomfortably in my bed. “I’m helping her because it’s the right thing to do, CJ. She has already helped keep me alive multiple times. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t try to help her in return?”

  CJ looked at me with a blank expression, obviously not buying it. “So, if Tiff were some five-eyed bug lady, you would be doing the same thing?”

  “Okay, man, okay. I’m not saying that she is not attractive, but we have bigger things to worry about right now,” I rubbed the back of my neck uncomfortably, “I mean…I don’t think I would even have a chance with her, anyway, right?. Have you seen her? Have you talked to her? She is definitely not interested in a dummy of a human that she has been forced to help. But you’re right…about the ass, I mean,” I shrugged and laughed.

  “I fucking knew it!” CJ shouted, clapping me on the back with a laugh.

  “XO Tiff would be lucky to have Captain as a sexual partner!” Elvis suddenly chimed in. “Captain would sire strong offspring that would kill many foes!”

  CJ and I both looked up at the ceiling in surprise. “What the hell Elvis, you just listen in to private conversations in my quarters?!” I asked with obvious agitation.

  “Elvis hears all. How else can he properly monitor the ship?” Elvis asked, like it was the most normal thing ever.

  “Elvis, I’m ordering you to keep this to yourself. Do you understand? I’m ordering you!” I shouted, jumping out of my bed and pointing at the overhead.

  “Understood, Captain. This conversation is now classified,” Elvis promptly replied.

  CJ was now laughing uncontrollably on the bed; he was obviously getting a kick out of this whole thing. “Me and Elvis will keep your secret, Romeo!” CJ said while still laughing uncontrollably.

  “Captain Romeo!” Elvis corrected him.

  I wanted to be mad, but I couldn’t help it; I started laughing as well. CJ was an ass, but after the last few days, I needed a laugh. I needed to be reminded why I had to succeed and reminded of how important friendship is to my sanity.

  “You guys need to fuck off to the bridge; I’ll be there after I shower,” I said, walking toward the bathroom.

  “Yeah, that reminds me,” CJ said, turning with a snap. “Tiff wants to talk about your stats now that you’re Level 7. She said she would be waiting on the bridge.”

  About half an hour later, I arrived on the bridge. CJ was back at his station, continuing to go through simulations with the drop suit, while Tiff was near the front of the bridge, standing near a station, tapping on a screen.

  CJ was right, I thought as I took another look at Tiff. She was not hard on the eyes at all.

  “I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE

  YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN’T DENY”

  Elvis started blaring Sir Mix-A-Lot through the bridge’s PA system. CJ screamed, laughing, and literally fell out of his chair. I felt myself burning with embarrassment as Tiff turned toward me, looking confused.

  “Elvis, turn that fucking music off!” I shouted.

  CJ was now rolling on the floor, howling, pointing at the ceiling. Tiff still looked utterly confused. “Am I missing something?” she asked, placing her hands on her hips, staring daggers through me.

  “Ugh, no,” I coughed, “Elvis just really likes this song.”

  “Captain was admiring your posterior, XO. He would like you to bear his children so that they may slay many enemies!!!!” Elvis shouted triumphantly.

  “Elvis, what the fuck?!” I shouted. “That is not appropriate!”

  “XO Tiff has top-level clearance, Captain, no cause for concern. OPSEC is still intact.”

  CJ was, in my estimation, was about to literally die from lack of air.

  “I’m going to act like this didn’t happen. We are going to continue as if I didn’t just experience whatever this is. Do you understand?” Tiff asked rhetorically, and based on her body language at that moment, I agreed that just moving on would be best.

  I coughed in my hand and picked at a piece of lint on the front of my uniform in an attempt to deflect from the circus on the bridge, “Sooo, about those stats?”