At least, that’s what I thought.

  I didn’t black out completely, but instead I just collapsed. My body gave out, sprawled across the ground. I was still conscious. But I couldn’t move. It felt like sleep paralysis.

  My field of vision was stuck, frozen in place. I could only watch the orc in the distance as it roared in pain and fury. The trees swayed gently around me, but the wind I felt was far too strong for such a subtle reaction. The orc’s screams stretched, distorted, like time itself was slowing down.

  And then I realized. It wasn’t just the world. It was me.

  My heartbeat slowed. My thoughts dragged. Everything inside me began to dull, to fade. A warm sensation wrapped around me. My mind grew foggy. My vision blurred.

  This feeling…….it’s familiar.

  Oh.

  I’m dying.

  This is the second time now.

  I can’t really say I’m used to it. Well, not like that matters. I’m not going to have another chance at dying.

  This is it.

  I’m going to die and see Death again.

  Then, I guess I’ll become Death, or whatever that means.

  Be immortal for all of time, guiding souls, and traveling throughout all of space and time.

  Hey, honestly, that doesn’t sound too bad. I mean, think about it. I get to travel wherever I want to, magical worlds and whatnot. There’s not even any danger of me getting hurt or even dying. I’m Death. Well, I probably won’t have any friends or whatever. I’m pretty sure no one would want to travel with me.

  Actually, isn’t that what I wanted?

  A life of adventuring by myself? Free from any outside forces? To go wherever I wish?

  Yeah, it is. Sweet. That'd be fun.........Yeah, it'd be great.

  So, what now? I mean, all I can do is just wait. And talk to you too.

  But I still can’t hear you. Or is it just that you can’t talk?

  I still haven’t figured it out yet. I know you’re there, but I can’t prove it.

  I’ll just ask Death. He should know who you are.

  You know, I can’t help but feel…….sorry? Not to the orc or anything, but well……you.

  It’s a……thought? Instinct? For whatever reason, I have this feeling that you’re like me in a way. Maybe that’s how we got stuck together.

  I made a deal with Death because I hated my old life. I sacrificed my entire future and possible afterlife paradise for a single shot at making my dream a reality, and yet here we are.

  You’re here because you wanted a good story.........Am I right? Oh right, you can’t answer.

  But if that’s why, then I’m sorry.

  I’m not a good storyteller. Definitely not the most entertaining guy either. There were probably moments where you were bored out of your mind, whether from my endless rambling or those times I insisted on explaining every little part of my plan.

  Yeah……..it was probably too much.

  But I did try.

  I think our jokes, Sys and I, were relatively fine. If they weren’t, and you just cringed at them, sorry. Now that I think about it, I definitely made too many jokes. I probably took away from the serious moments.

  And all those darker moments, when I got “depressed,” when I ranted about my old life, that definitely made you uncomfortable too. You didn’t sign up for that. You wanted a classic story: guy gets reincarnated, becomes a hero, saves the world.

  But I’m not that guy.

  I’m selfish. I lie. I hurt people—Mom, Dad, Arthur, Elaine. I broke them, then patched them up like a fake doctor pretending he didn’t cause the wounds in the first place.

  I probably even lied to you.

  Cunning. Scheming. Cowardly. Selfish. And—

  Hypocritical.

  ……….It’s you again.

  So, was it worth it?

  What was?

  Trying to be a hero. Throwing yourself into danger to save the nobles. The village.

  Maybe.

  Any regrets? Last words?

  ……No.

  You sure?

  I think so.

  Hm. A fitting end, I suppose. You preached about freedom and the control emotions and other people had over oneself, and yet, your own demise was brought upon by allowing these two forces to dominate you.

  I know.

  You condemned Roland for his selfish desire to throw his life away, yet you did the exact same thing. You pushed him and his family out of harm’s way, not out of duty, but because you wanted to die a hero. You defied his wishes, ignored his trust, all for your own selfish need to make your death mean something.

  I know.

  You told me you weren’t a hero. You acted like you would do only what was required, saving them, and not doing any flashy act that would name you as a hero. So then why are you here? Why are you throwing your life away for others? Why are you playing the hero when you’ve always hated the very idea of one? You rejected self-sacrifice. You pushed people away. You worshipped freedom like it was sacred………And yet here you are, lying down and waiting for the end like a coward too tired to stand.

  This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

  I’m sorry.

  That “sorry” crap gets old fast, you know. Always apologizing, never changing. You say you’ll be better, but you always end up back in the same place.

  ……..Sorry.

  Whatever. I’m not the only one you owe an apology to.

  Right.

  Back to you.

  Sorry I couldn’t give you the story you deserve. You deserved a better hero, someone who could actually save people. Someone selfless, humble, maybe even fun. Not someone selfish, arrogant, and moody. Not someone who needed help just to seem……..perfect.

  But that’s not who I am.

  This story—no, this life—it’s boring. Even with a second chance, I made it just as dull and messy as the first.

  Would this have been a better story if someone else took my place?

  Most likely.

  Sorry, friend.

  Sorry I wasn’t the hero they needed. Or the one you wanted.

  …….Heh.

  “Hero,” huh?

  Do you remember? When Sys first told me about this world, and I heard about the Fiendish Isles? I was worried the Demon King might come back. That I’d have to be the “chosen one” and sacrifice everything. But then Sys said the seal would hold for hundreds of years, or however many it was.

  When Sys confirmed it, I was relieved—no, I was ecstatic. I wouldn’t have to waste my life playing humanity’s pawn, parading around as some chosen hero. No endless battles. No grand crusade to drive out the demons. None of that typical isekai nonsense. Just freedom. My own path.

  So, then what changed?

  Why did I start helping people?

  Why did I start caring?

  How did I even get here?...........

  The red star.

  Was that really it?

  Did I change just because of that?

  No. That’s too simple.

  If that was all it took, I wouldn’t be here.

  I’d still be back in that library.

  With what little strength I had left, I turned my eyes upward.

  No stars tonight.

  Maybe you didn’t enjoy the short time we had.

  But I did.

  Zarvendia, this world, always seemed so grand. Myrkwind, though a vast home, felt small to me. The forest’s wide clearings hinted at boundless lands waiting to be explored, yet the village itself always felt like a cage. No one ever left. Only the elders. That unspoken rule sank into me, too. I was told never to wander too far, warned of monsters and spirits that would tear me apart in an instant. And looking at where I am now, they were right.

  But I still dreamed.

  Rivers wider than I’d ever imagined. Mountains too tall to conquer. Forgotten ruins swallowed by moss. Creatures yet to be named. And people, different people, other villagers with lives and cultures so unlike my own, I can’t help but wonder what they’re like. To stumble across a clearing not marked on any map. To see the stars from a place where no one’s ever laid down to look. If I could run, climb, and swim to my heart’s content, if I could truly explore this world, then maybe…….maybe Myrkwind wouldn’t have felt so small.

  Gravenor, with its endless grasslands, winding rivers, and golden farms, looked like a quiet, tame place. The kind where people traveled slow, riding in carriages beneath open skies.

  But in its simplicity, I saw something more.

  I saw real freedom.

  The kind where you sleep under the stars, where the wind carries you forward, and you don’t need walls to feel safe. I wanted to ride Shade and feel the warm breeze rushing past, eyes lifted to the golden sun. I wanted to reach the great cities and taste whatever food they offered. Maybe I’d walk for hundreds of miles, and maybe the scenery wouldn’t change.

  But that would be fine. I’d be fully satisfied with that lifestyle.

  Back on Earth, I lived in a city, so the idea of a fishing kingdom felt foreign, almost absurd. No stone pavement beneath my feet, no blaring horns or clouds of exhaust choking the air. Instead, I imagined salt clinging to my skin, boats swaying gently with the tide, the ocean’s breath sharp on my tongue. Villages lining the coast like strings of pearls. Markets buzzing with the scent of smoked fish, seaweed, and damp nets. I pictured myself diving into the water, laughing, playing alongside my summons. Maybe we’d even stumble across treasure.

  Though, if that moment ever came to pass, I think I’d already have found something worth far more than a simple treasure chest.

  And then, there were the places I knew I’d probably never reach. A place where no man had stepped foot in for years. A place forbidden to the general public. A place that held a dark past and mysterious secrets waiting to be uncovered.

  The Desolate Dunes.

  Even if it would be difficult, and even if there would be nothing to find, I’d still go. I’d go just for the sake of it. To walk across a land untouched by anyone. To see for myself what the land had, without any past notion.

  A place that was truly new.

  Then I flew.

  I imagined riding a dragon through the tall cliffs of the Draconic Peaks.

  No. Not a dragon. I don’t think I’d ever be able to tame one of those.

  Let’s say a griffin instead.

  I’d ride a griffin, its feathers sharp like polished bronze, wings stretching wider than the sky itself. We’d soar past mountains shaped like blades, stabbing into the clouds. Shadows spilling down their slopes like dark water, and the wind screaming between them with the voice of an ancient dragon. Sometimes we’d spot a hungry beast below, and we’d veer away, diving low until the treetops brushed beneath us. Forests clinging to the cliffs in stubborn patches, thick and defiant. Lakes shimmering like scattered coins in the valleys. Eventually, we’d rest in a lonely cave. I’d lean back against the griffin’s side, warm and breathing, as I drifted into sleep, ready for the next flight.

  But of course, I always wake up, back in Lurindell, beneath the same familiar trees.

  The Fiendish Isles.

  Not a place I’d regularly dream of, but regardless, I’d still like to see it at least once. Maybe from a far away distance, with a small telephone, or whatever tool this world has to offer. I’d like just one look, just one………..

  But even one is too much to ask for now.

  So you lied. Not too surprising.

  About what?

  Not having regrets.

  Yeah, I do have some.

  What else do you regret?

  ………My family.

  I want to apologize to them. I want to apologize for the lies, the pain, all of it. I want to apologize for not…….being their actual son.

  Is that it?

  ………No.

  I want to race Arthur again. I want to hear his dumb laugh echoing through the forest. I want to hear his cocky but comforting speech about how even if he'd never lose to me, I was still posing a good challenge. I want one more sword duel, even if our swords are just sticks. I want to sit beside him in class, watching how he lifts the whole room with one of his ridiculous, perfect jokes.

  I want to draw with Elaine again. I’m terrible at it, but she never minds. She still draws with me, still teaches me with that patient smile. I want to water the crops with her. Do laundry. Just……hold her hand. Feel that warmth, that sisterly love.

  I want Mom’s cooking again. Even in this unadvanced world, just the smell of it makes my stomach growl. I want her hugs, tight, warm, smothering, and her calling me adorable for the thousandth time. I want to set the table and have her praise me for it. I want to see her smile again.

  I want to help Dad with his lumber work. I want to walk with him through the woods. I want to feel his strong hands lift me up and set me back on the trail whenever I trip. I want to hear him thank me for cleaning his tools. I want him to be proud of me, to be proud when I finally become an adventurer.

  Hell, I’ll even miss Sys and all his idiotic jokes. The way he forgets to tell me important things when I need them the most. How he panics at the worst moments. Somehow, I’ll miss it all, because despite everything, he’s loyal. Still trying.

  I’ll miss Ms. Lonnie and her lessons. I’ll miss how good of a teacher she was…….way better than the ones I had back on Earth.

  I’ll miss my summons: Rogue, Nightclaw, Shade, Drill, Melvin, Jittear, Tank, Nibbles, Geek, Luci, Pickle. I’ll miss the feeling when they wake me up with their endless arguments. Even then.

  I want to do it for Grandpa, even if he's long gone now.

  I want to prove that it wasn't me.

  I want to prove that I can do it, to show Earth and all of those idiots that it was them.

  I want to find that constellation again.

  I want to keep exploring.

  I want to keep going.

  Fuck.

  I know it’s selfish. I know it’s too late. I know my time is up. That Death is waiting for me. That I made a bargain.

  But even so.

  Can I say it?

  Just once.

  Before the end. Before I fade. Before I meet Death again—

  I want to keep living.