Mom, Dad, Arthur, Elaine, Sys, my summons, Grandpa, and-

  You.

  Everyone.

  I’m sorry. I truly am.

  But still, I want to stay here just a little longer.

  So, you still want to live?

  Yeah. Look, I know it’s impossible. I know I’m being selfish to even—

  Do you really know that?

  ……What?

  You keep acting like you know everything, but nothing about your behavior reflects it.

  What are you talking about?

  If you truly knew you weren’t a hero, you would’ve been back at the village with the nobles. You'd be safe, secure, and far away from this.

  Even so, the orc would’ve followed us. What’s the point in—

  You knew you weren’t a hero, and yet you still helped. Not because it was right, but because it was you. You handled things your way. You had your summons distract them. You used your wit and deception to outmaneuver the bandits and force them to flee.

  Any other cliché “hero” would’ve tried to solve things in a clean, noble way. A strong and gallant hero would’ve charged in with a sword brandished, with full courage and heart.

  But you didn’t. You thought of a plan, and you managed to trick them all. You made it work.

  ……..I know. I know I’m not cut out for—

  No. You don’t know. You say you do, but you don’t. Your emotions keep wrecking your reasoning. You let guilt, fear, and self-loathing drown out your logic.

  Just stop. Think.

  You do know you’re not a hero. You know you’re not as strong, as kind, or as selfless as one.

  So stop trying to be one.

  A hero?

  You are a selfish shit stain who once considered drugging his own family. You’re a ruthless idiot who harmed his own siblings just to absorb the soul of a rat. You’re the same fool who destroyed the hive that pollinated your family’s crops simply because you were impatient. You recklessly attacked a snarl full of goblins just for some quick levels. You’re a manipulative creep who tried to save people not out of compassion, but to bask in the praise of being called a hero.

  ………

  And yet, you did it.

  You rejected the idea of drugging them.

  You turned away from the rat when your siblings needed you.

  You used that corrupted knowledge to rebuild a home for the bees.

  You wiped out the snarl, not just to grow stronger, but to remove a threat from your village.

  You saw the selflessness of that father and made a choice. You took his place. You made sure his family lived on.

  Even if you didn’t mean to. Even if you caused some of the problems yourself. You still fixed them. All of them in your own way. Not like a hero.

  But like you.

  ………

  A hero would’ve sacrificed himself to distract the orc. Maybe, he would be strong enough to have slain it outright.

  But you? You’re not a hero. You know that. So the question is,

  What are you going to do now?

  “Get away!”

  Rogue?

  My eyes darted around and finally landed on him, his small body flinging itself at the orc, slashing and biting with wild fury. The orc swatted at him like an insect.

  How is Rogue here?

  Beric!

  “Sys?”

  Finally! I’ve been trying to get through to you for ages.

  “How is Rogue—”

  Rogue rejected your recall.

  “He what?”

  When you collapsed, he stayed. Even though most of his mana had already returned to your soul, the core part of him remained here, acting like a shield. When he saw you helpless, he forcibly pulled the rest of his mana back out of your soul. It’s sort of like a defense mechanism. But to this extent?

  It’s more like Rogue’s own ego forced this to happen.

  “I’ll bite your damn dick off if you don’t get out of here!” Rogue snarled, before biting something with a vicious snap.

  The orc’s right eye was gone, just an empty, bloodied hole. Its left, though, still saw enough to keep swinging.

  “Rogue…..”

  Why? Why was he doing this?

  Why was he trying so hard to save me? Because I’m his master?.........Shit man. Am I that weak that I need my own summon to protect me from a damn orc?

  Of course I am.

  How stupid I was to even dream of becoming an adventurer.

  Looking at your condition, it’s too much to expect you to run. You can’t summon Shade, and Rogue won’t hold him off forever.

  “.........Sys.”

  I have an idea. It’s a stretch, but it’s something. I need you to crawl. Use your elbows since your legs are dead weight. It’s a miracle your upper body still has some strength.

  “Hey, Sys.”

  Plant your elbows then lift yourself. Let your body collapse forward and repeat the process until you start dragging yourself across the floor.

  “Sys.”

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  Those nobles probably told the elders what happened. Help should be on the way. You just need to reach that cave on the right, the one I marked on your map. It’s far, but if Rogue can hold the orc off off and maybe lead it away—

  “Let’s stop.”

  ……….Beric?

  The orc’s swing connected. Rogue’s tiny body crashed into the base of a tree. He twitched, trying to stand, before completely staggering to the floor. His limbs gave out.

  “I think we had a good run.”

  Don’t. Now’s not the time for this.

  I let out a breath, long and tired. “Maybe not good. This life was definitely shorter than I thought it’d be. But, eh, I tried.”

  What are you—

  “Sorry for not being a good master…….user? Partner? Honestly, I still don’t know what our relationship even is.”

  Beric, don’t—

  “Speaking of relationships, I didn’t listen to you. Not well at all. You were actually a pretty good system……most of the time. I just yelled at you a lot. Sorry about that. You were decent. Not great, but decent. Shame I can’t keep working with you.”

  I felt a slow surge of a miniscule amount of mana return to my soul.

  …………..If you really meant that apology, why are you giving up now?

  “Giving up?”

  What about your speech to Roland? About being selfish? About not leaving people behind? What the hell do you think you’re doing right now? You’re repeating his mistake.

  Why am I?

  “Because I’m a hypocrite.”

  A…...hypocrite?

  “Yeah. I say all this crap about selfishness, heroism, freedom, and then I do the complete opposite. I give some motivational speech and then act like I never even gave it in the first place. I say bonds are chains, yet I long for them. I say love is a burden, but I still want it. I’m a walking contradiction.”

  Someone annoying like me, an unbearable person, should just die.

  I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep. What else was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to feel it, the bones breaking and the flesh tearing. If I had to die, I’d rather be unconscious while it happened.

  I slowed my breath and let my body go limp. “It was nice knowing you, buddy.”

  I expected the Corrupted Voice to return. It felt like his moment. But he was silent.

  Did this life mean nothing to you?

  My calm breathing paused.

  That wasn’t him.

  That was Sys.

  But his voice was cold and sharp. It reminded me of him.

  “What?”

  Your family, Lucian, Merrol, Arthur, Elaine, did none of that matter? Did all those meals, all that laughter, all those shared moments mean nothing to you? The joy? The warmth? Are you telling me that doesn’t make you want to get up? To crawl back home?

  I stayed silent.

  Don’t you miss them? Don’t you miss their voices? Their arms around you? Their stupid jokes and warm smiles? Wouldn’t you give anything to return to them, even if just for a moment?

  Still, I said nothing.

  What about your dream? To explore the world? To see the sights you imagined back on Earth? You really want to die here, in a puddle of blood and regret?

  “.........So what? What does it matter?”

  Get up. Just—

  “No, I can’t!” I screamed in my mind. “How can I fight something like that? I can’t move. I’ve got no stamina, barely any mana, and my only weapon is a rusty dagger! I traded my damn soul to get here, to start over in this world, to achieve that stupid dream…….but it meant nothing. I couldn’t even reach ten before dying!”

  My fingers twitched. I tried to clench my fists.

  “It wouldn’t hurt so bad if I didn’t love this life. I told myself loving others would drag me down, that bonds were chains…...that I should break them before exploring. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I love them. All of them. And that’s why I’m terrified to die.”

  My tired face finally had enough to shed a single tear.

  “I wanted to make them proud. I wanted to do well in school, just to see them smile. I wanted to use every summon, every trick I knew, to make their lives easier. I wanted to be better. I want to stay.”

  Beric.

  “I want to become an adventurer. I want to see the world. I want to go to the other kingdoms. I want to see dragons and other mythical beasts. I want to see everything that this world has to offer.” I bit down hard. “I want to keep going.”

  I tried to push myself up with my arms. I failed.

  “But what the hell can I do?”

  I bit my tongue. “I hate how stupid I am. I hate how undeciding I can be, how everything could be so much simpler, if I could just stick to a single belief. If only I wasn’t so damn indecisive, if only I wasn’t such a huge hypocrite, I wouldn’t be in this situation. I’d be……..”

  I didn’t finish that statement.

  I didn’t know how to.

  Rogue’s cries fell silent. The orc’s laughter echoed, low and guttural. I couldn’t even turn my head to see why.

  I was too weak.

  Beric, about what you said earlier, about me being an okay system?

  “Yeah?”

  I’ve got something to admit too.

  “What is it?”

  I used to think you were a terrible user.

  A weak smile formed on my weary face. “Yeah, I know.”

  I remembered his outburst when I first tried to meditate.

  It was hard. You were angry, cruel sometimes. Moody. Unpredictable. I never knew when to push or stay quiet.

  “Sorry.”

  I’m not good with emotions. That’s why I struggled to help you when things got dark. I could only obey your commands. I thought that if I tried to help, I’d make things worse.

  …………

  You told me, if that happened again, I should just crack a joke, to not intervene too much. But I don’t want to. I want to really help, to not just lighten the mood, and to not just be tolerated. I want to pull you out of it. I want to make a difference.

  “…….Why? Because you’re programmed to?”

  That’s what I asked myself. If I’m just code, then I should follow orders, nothing more. But this? This goes beyond that. It’s like…...... there’s a piece of me that’s choosing this. Choosing to help you.

  “Yeah?”

  Beric, I don’t know why I'm like this, along with the many other questions I have. But I do know one thing.

  “What is it?”

  I want to help you live. I want to help you see that dream. I want to stand beside you and see the world.

  I shut my eyes again. But I knew Sys could read me. I knew he saw through the tears, the flustered thoughts.

  “........I hope you’re not just saying that.”

  I’m not, but even so, these kind words of mine won’t mean anything.

  Unless you get back up.

  “But I can’t? What can I even do?”

  Use that big brain of yours.

  “My brain?”

  You’re the one who came up with that ridiculously elaborate plan to absorb a rat’s soul. You schemed a way to catch a hawk. You sketched out a super accurate diagram for building a beehive from scratch. You designed the trap that managed to effortlessly kill a wolf. You thought of a way to safely hunt goblins and even tailed one all the way back to the snarl. You easily cleared out that entire snarl alone. You outsmarted those bandits and tricked them into freeing the nobles and running for their lives. You’re the one who helped get those nobles to safety.

  You did all of that.

  So don’t tell me you can’t do this.

  ........You're not wrong.

  But even so, I still ended up here. All that thinking, all those plans, and it still led to this—me bleeding out, about to die to a mindless orc. My so-called “big brain” is the reason I’m dying.

  Wrong.

  You?

  It wasn’t your mind that made you throw yourself into this. It was your emotions.

  “I know that—”

  And right now, you can’t think clearly because your head’s clouded with guilt and self-hate. Your brain isn’t broken. It’s buried.

  “Sounds right.”

  So stop picking one over the other. Stop letting your emotions drown out your thoughts and stop trying to shut off your feelings to think clearly. You’re not a machine. You’re not a martyr. You’re not a stinking hero.

  You’re Beric.

  I mentally scoffed. “What does that even mean?”

  It means using both. Use your feelings, the fury, the grief, the love, and let them feed your thoughts. Let them sharpen your mind, not fog it. Use that stubborn will to live, that hateful defiance, that desperate longing for home, and use all of that to forge a plan…….A Beric plan.

  My hate. My love. My dream.

  I hate that I'm at the mercy of such an unfair life. I hate how I risked everything for this life, to only stumble and nearly reach Death all because of some unlucky encounter with this beast..........It's entertaining to you, isn't it?

  This orc was laughing at my pain and misery.

  I'm sure you are as well.

  I hate this orc. I hate it for nearly killing me. For tearing me away from my family. For standing in the way of everything I wanted.

  And I hate the one behind this. I hate the one who made me love this world, to raise my hopes of reaching that dream, to just end it all right here.

  I hate you for making me go through this.

  I want to kill you. I want you to scream. I want you to die slowly. Just like the goblins did—writhing, screeching, choking on its own blood……………..

  Oh.

  Is that it?.........Hah.

  Of course it is.

  It’s just like me.