I am mad at you—

  How could you make me feel all those emotions

  That I had hidden away?

  I made sure they saw no light,

  Stuffed them deep down so that not even God’s so-called light

  Could reach them.

  But you, with words so sharp,

  Stripped me bare,

  Made me reveal it all—the how and the why.

  And why have you just come now?

  To grace your presence and

  Change the way I had survived?

  You—

  You’re the only good thing in my life so far,

  The one light in all this darkness.

  But I’m scared—so scared—

  That if I let you see the real me,

  The ugly parts, the broken parts,

  You’ll run away.

  So I push you away first,

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  Treat you like I’m going to hurt you,

  Hoping you’ll leave before I show you

  How horrible I can be.

  Because if you stay,

  If you see my good side,

  You might get hurt by the rest.

  And maybe it will hurt me more than it hurts you,

  But that’s the risk I’m willing to take—

  Because I’d rather you leave now

  Then watch you leave later, broken by me.

  So here I am—flawed and afraid,

  Waiting to see if you’ll stay

  Or if I’ll lose the only good thing I have.

  But maybe, just maybe,

  You’ll see past my walls

  And find the heart that’s still beating for you.

  I’m a mess, I’m a storm,

  But I’m all I have to give—

  Take it or leave it,

  But don’t say I didn’t try.

  And if you walk away,

  I’ll understand—

  But I’ll always wonder

  What might have been.