As the gates opened, Damecus was going around smashing the heads of the orcs that were lying on the ground, just in case any of them were playing dead. I ran up to Smutisha to try to talk to her.

  Dwynfel: “Lady Smythe.”

  Smutisha: “What is it, darling? I have a wedding to get to.”

  Dwynfel: “Are you sure this is a good idea? They were completely prepared to back out of the alliance at the first sign of trouble.”

  Smutisha: “Bit of teething trouble, that’s all. Gave us a chance to show them that this can work. They are still here, which is a good sign as far as I’m concerned, darling.”

  She brushed me off and walked back towards the confused goblin from earlier before turning to me.

  Smutisha: “Oh, and this is Thomas by the way. My soon to be husband.”

  Thomas gave a nervous wave. Smutisha bounded off back into the main hall. It didn’t take the Bracken long to get ready for the wedding ceremony. They don’t seem to make as much of a thing of marriage as the humans do. It was a simple matter of Gideon tying a ribbon around their hands, asking if they both consent to the union, then it was over. Before we knew it, we were packing up to leave again.

  Smutisha: “Do hurry up with the packing, darling. We need to get back home to plan the wedding.”

  Dwynfel: “I thought you just had the wedding?”

  Smutisha: “That was the Bracken ceremony, darling. Now we need to have the human one.”

  Dwynfel: Do you really need both?”

  Smutisha: “Of course we do, darling. It will introduce him to my family and friends, and show everybody that it is a true union. Plus, we need a noble representative for the bedding ceremony.”

  I’d forgotten about the bedding ceremony. I was a bit bewildered as to why we started packing straight after the ceremony. I rather assumed we’d stay the night or something to give them a chance to get… acquainted. I guess she needs to wait until the relevant representatives are present. Keith came out of the fort and threw a bag onto one of our carts.

  Damecus: “And what are you doing?”

  Keith: “Calm it, big man. I’m the Bracken witness. So, I’ve got to come back with you guys.”

  Damecus: “What joy.”

  Keith: “At least it means we can get to know each other. Tell me, how does that whole wall walking thing work?”

  Damecus rolled his eyes and I walked outside the gates to make sure that all the orc corpses had been suitably moved out of the way for the carts to get past.

  Asmodeus: “I should have known that you would have something to do with this!”

  Oh, shit. Not him again. I turned around to see Asmodeus… in his full armour… with his helmet on and shield raised. He had a small group of what looked like relatively standard mercenaries with him. All leather and beards.

  Dwynfel: “Asmodeus? What are you doing here?”

  Asmodeus: “Heard rumours that your vile kind had seized this fortress and of course, upon our arrival who do I find? None other than you, surrounded by swathes of corpses.”

  Oh, for fuck’s sake.

  Dwynfel: “Orc corpses… from the assault on this keep… that we just prevented.”

  Asmodeus: “So, you do not deny the presence of goblins! Nor your defence of them!”

  Stolen novel; please report.

  Dwynfel: “Of course not… why would I? The fort is full of Bracken.”

  Asmodeus: “Then we advance! Kill every one of the little bastards!”

  Smutisha: “Trevithick, you imbecile, stand down!”

  Damecus walked out of the gate pulling a cart. Smutisha was standing in the cart looking down on Asmodeus and adopting a rather over the top pose.

  Asmodeus: “Lady Smythe, your presence here is unwise and unwarranted. Goblins permeate this place!”

  Smutisha rolled her eyes before adopting a much more fed-up stance.

  Smutisha: “Obviously, that’s why we’re here. I have just brokered an alliance with them.”

  Asmodeus: “With all due respect, my lady. Have you lost your sense? These are goblins!”

  She gestured at me.

  Smutisha: “So is he…

  She gestured at Keith.

  Smutisha: “…and him…

  She gestured at Damecus.

  Smutisha: “…and he’s a lizardman…

  She gestured at Farrow who was walking out of the gate.

  Smutisha: “…and she’s a Lupinian…”

  She bent down and muttered something and Thomas stood up next to her. I hadn’t realised that he was in the cart with her.

  Smutisha: “…and this is my new husband…

  Thomas once again gave a nervous wave.

  Smutisha: “…now, are you shambling your way towards making an actual point, Trevithick? Or can I get back to my home now?”

  Asmodeus: “You truly have lost your wits my lady! Allying with these abominations! Marrying one! It is the influence of that heinous fiend right there.”

  He pointed his sword directly at me. Damecus hopped down from the cart and pointed his club at Asmodeus while snarling in a similar fashion to how he had with the orcs earlier.

  Asmodeus: “You have been corrupted by his vile deception!”

  Smutisha: “Calm down, boys. Just a minor difference of opinion. Trevithick, do keep up with the times. Dwynfel is harmless. Granted, the Bracken have a bad reputation, but through talking we have put that aside and we are all willing to try a new way forward. You need to learn to deal with change. And if you can’t, then do remember that as it stands, these Bracken are our allies. To intentionally attack our allies and invoke a conflict would be tantamount to treason which would result in not only your death but the destruction of your family name. Now, I advise you turn back the way you came.”

  Asmodeus lowered his sword and with an aggressive grunt he turned and walked away. His mercenaries swiftly followed him. Smutisha gave them a genial wave.

  Smutisha: “Ta-ta, darlings.”

  She then turned to Thomas.

  Smutisha: “You were fabulous, darling.”

  She gave him a brief kiss on the lips and embraced him. He looked deeply confused and even more nervous than before.

  Thomas: “I didn’t do anything.”

  Smutisha: “Nonsense, you stood tall, such presence, such verve, you’ll do fantastic at court, darling.”

  Thomas turned his head to Keith who was sat on the front of the cart. Keith looked equally confused, but he gave Thomas a thumbs up and a smile.

  At that moment Farrow emerged from the gate talking to a strange old man in a priest’s cloak. He smiled at her and gave her a little wave before going back into the fort.

  Smutisha: “Who was that, darling?”

  Farrow: “I thought he was one of your men…”

  Smutisha: “Never seen him before in my life. What did he want?”

  Farrow: “He gave me an explosive arrow. Said he found it on one of the orcs. Also, he gave me these.”

  She lifted a small pouch up into the air. It gave off a strong smell…

  Dwynfel: “Hoisin duck?”

  Farrow: “Oui, in pancakes. He said they were for our journey back.”

  Smutisha: “Lovely, I do love a travel snack. Now let’s get going. I have a wedding to plan!”

  Technically, Dwynfel should have the short sword strapped to his back in this image... but again... the AI generator could not cope with that.